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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Jun the 8th 2010
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Aziz Ansari: Rap Producer Boast |
| I heard this guy going around talking about how he was this big rap producer, and he was just going around and boasting and bragging. And in one of those bragging sessions, I heard him just tell somebody, Hey, hey -- why dont you try making four beats a day for two summers? What a dangerously specific challenge that is. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Farm Jokes 05 |
What is a cow's favorite TV show?
Dr Moo!
Why was the farmer hopping mad?
Because someone had trodden on his corn!
What would happen if bulls could fly?
You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!
What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
A sheep that's under the weather!
Why do cows like being told jokes?
Because they like being amoosed!
What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!
What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?
A groundhog!
How do you take a pig to hospital?
By hambulance!
What do you call a joke book for chickens?
A yolk book!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes".
"How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.1/10 (9 votes cast) |
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The birds and bees...and cows? |
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A woman consulted her physician with the complaint that the insides of her thighs had acquired a greenish color.
After much research and consultation with experts in the field, her physician informed her that he believed he had found a diagnosis, but would have to ask her a rather personal question.
"Is your husband a Greatful Dead fan?"
"Why yes, he is," she replied, "In fact we met at a Dead show and were avid followers of their itinerary right up until the death of Jerry Garcia"
"Well, you can tell your husband" advised the doctor "that his earrings are not real gold!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Why Is This Night Different?
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During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told George that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
"That's a great honor," George said. "Why would you turn it down?""Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? ... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak.
Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh."
The queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."
The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."
Then the blonde says I brought a car door." The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?" Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door. “I live next door to you,” he explained. “Do you know I work nights?” “No,” said the trumpet player, “but if you hum a few bars, I’ll get the melody.” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Hear about the just-announced, sleek new pancake-making device from Apple? The iHop. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet.....
so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.9/10 (17 votes cast) |
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Visiting a rural farm #joke #humor |
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.
They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver.
"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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