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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Jun the 14th 2010
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Fail Crane Is Burning The Midnight Oil |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Redneck quickies 9 |
| You might be a redneck if...
Birds are attracted to your beard.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Bikers back down from your momma.
You were shooting pool when your kids were born.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos". |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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The Windows Rejection Song |
sung to the tune of The Rainbow Connection by Kermit Frog
Why are there so many, users of Windows?
Don't people have any pride?
Windows is useless, and designed by morons,
and Windows had got DOS inside.
But some don't care and continue to use it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll see it, the Windows rejection,
the users, and Bill Gates, and me.
Who said that every bug, would be found but left there?
It seems so strange and bizarre.
Microsoft thought of that, and millions accept it,
look what it's done, so far.
What's so amazing are all the delays in
the replacement for Windows 3.
Someday we'll see it, the Windows rejection,
the users, and Bill Gates, and me.
All of us under its spell,
we know that it's utterly tragic...
Have you been not saving, and then torn your hair out,
because of a G.P. fault?
Is this the error, that occurs most often,
and causes your system to halt?
I've seen it too many times to ignore it,
I think it is just s'posed to be.
Someday we'll see it, the Windows rejection,
the users, and Bill Gates, and me.
la, da da, lee, da la loo,
a, la, la la, la lee la roo!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A match between two junior teams was about to take place but it had been raining so heavily all week that the ground resembled a swamp.
Nevertheless, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends. The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said: "OK – we'll take the shallow end!'
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
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A kiss a yard... |
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled. |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Things Rednecks Will Never Say
-I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
-Duct tape won't fix that.
-Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
-Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
-We don't keep firearms in this house.
-Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
-You can't feed that to the dog.
-I thought Graceland was tacky.
-No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
-Wrestling's fake.
-Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
-We're vegetarians.
-Do you think my gut is too big?
-I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
-Honey, we don't need another dog.
-Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
-Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
-Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
-Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
-I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
-Checkmate.
-She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
-Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
-Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
-I don't have a favorite college team.
-Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
-You ALL.
-Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
-Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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An Apocalyptic One-Liner
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Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.7/10 (7 votes cast) |
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A cannibal chief invited over another cannibal chief from a different tribe over for dinner. They sit down and eat the best meat. After dinner, the visiting cannibal chief said, "Wow that was good! Your wife makes the best meat." Then the other cannibal chief said, "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her..." |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for
a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead \$50 that he wouldn't
jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that
bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave
the redhead the \$50 she owed. The redhead said 'I
can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I
saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take
your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never
thought he'd jump again!' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.6/10 (16 votes cast) |
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