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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Jun the 17th 2010
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John Heffron: School Luggage |
| They dont have backpacks anymore; they all have that rolling luggage crap now. Every time they get home, it looks like theyre checking into a hotel. Hi, how are ya? What time does the shuttle leave for soccer? |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Molested |
| A woman rushes into a police station and cries, “Help, help! I’ve been molested by a virgin!â€Â
Calming the woman down, an officer asks, “How do you know it was a virgin?â€Â
The woman gasps, “Because I had to help him.â€Â
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Technology Is Too Good |
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Seattle, Washington:
The new U.S. Weather Service radar on Camano Island and atmospheric profiler at Sand Point began to pick up a mysterious 20 mile per hour wind out of the south each night about a month ago, a wind that started about sunset and ended at dawn.
Forecasters finally realized the new instrument is almost too accurate for its own good: It was detecting no wind, but the annual nighttime migration of thousands of birds towards the north, said a meteorologist.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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| "Don't make me come down there!" --GOD |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought
me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A very rich and famous dwarf passed away recently. He was low dead. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to
the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to
wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used
his hands. When he got back to class his teacher
asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy
said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand
he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principals office and
the principal asked him, 'What do you have in
your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do
you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and
said, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So again the little boy said, 'A little
leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared
away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open
your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared
the crap out of him.' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.9/10 (10 votes cast) |
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