Jokes of the day for Saturday, 19 June 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 19 June 2010
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (44)

The Candle

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
Aren't ye Mrs.. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer f**kin' candle.'
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Dan Cummins: Greeting Card Writer

I dont just write jokes. You know what Im best at? Greeting cards. Im a really good greeting card writer. And Im going to prove it with a little sample of my work Im going to share for you: As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. Ive been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Fathers Day
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (29)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Saturday, 19 June 2010

Funny video of the day Saturday, 19 June 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Delta fitness plan #jokes #humor

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Google Ads

Plastic fruit will be banned a...

Plastic fruit will be banned at the upcoming G8/20 summits in Toronto. Officials have to secure the pear-imitator.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Team Really Worked On Their Drills

Team Really Worked On Their Drills | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Four high school boys afflicte...

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (11)

A Heavenly Welcome

A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.""Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!" The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.32/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (22)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (15, 17, 18, 20, 23, 25, 27, 34, 54, 57, 64) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

An old man, a boy and a donkey...

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."

They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

The products which we offer are handcrafted items made of natural materials such as finest quality wool from the Sharr Mountains, silk, cotton and lace. It is all blended with natural soap....and...creativity. Here are some beautiful and unique fashion accessories.

Re-run

One fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping thru the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on was a woman about to comit suicide.

The first man says, "I bet you 100 dollars that she is gonna jump."

The second man, says, "OK, but I raise your 100 to 200 dollars saying she is not going to jump."

About four seconds after they were done making the bet, she leapt off the building, falling 17 stories, she hit the ground with a bone crunching sound.

As the loser of the bet started to get his wallet out of his back pocket the other man butted in to stop him.

"Listen, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier today and I knew she was gonna jump."

"So did I," the man said, I just didn't think she was dumb enough to do it again."

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

John comes back quite late fro...

John comes back quite late from a day at the golf course and his wife asks: "What kind of time do you call this?"
"It was terrible dear," John replies. "I was playing a round with Harry and suddenly he collapsed and died at the third hole."
"That must have been awful for you dear." said John's wife.
John said "You're right, it was awful. Fifteen holes of hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry . . ."
#joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

You Really Do Stink


It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.
The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

car accident

Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident?

The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

It seems a farm boy accide...

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Wilmer!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you," Wilmer answered. "But I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on." the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

Wilmer replied, "Under the wagon."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 5.92/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (48)

It's scary when you start maki...

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 February 2009
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Good news and bad news...

A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news. He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.

The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."

The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after you."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

Quotes taken from Federal Gove...

Quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations:

1. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

2. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

3. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

4. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

5. "He's been working with glue too much."

6. "She would argue with a signpost."

7. "She brings a lot of joy whenever she leaves the room."

8. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

9. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she's the other one.

10. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

Just as Skilled
A woman...

Just as Skilled
A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair.
"This is ridiculous!" she said, "charging me five hundred dollars to grind the valves and put in new piston rings."
"Not really, just think about it. You are a surgeon and should know that an automobile engine is just as complicated as a human body. The mechanic who serviced your car is just as skilled as you are."
"Is that so? Well, let me see him grind valves while the engine is running."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 June 2009
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

A student received a software ...

A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.

The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."

So, he bought a Macintosh.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (11)

Burglars Just Broke In


An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"





#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

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