Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 June 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 June 2010
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (71)

Imaginary creatures #jokes #humor

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

A foursome approached the sixt...

A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of and hooked the ball into that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, “How on earth did you do that?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to know the bus schedule.”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.86/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Saturday, 26 June 2010

Funny video of the day Saturday, 26 June 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Before the Fight Starts

A guy runs into a bar all out of breath. He says to the bartender, "Quick, give me a drink before the fight starts".
The bartender pours him a drink, the guy gulps in down, runs to the door, looks left and right, then runs back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".
The bartender pours him another drink, he gulps it down, then runs to the door and once again looks to the left and then to the right, then comes back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".
The bartender pours the drink, then says, "What fight are you talking about"?
The guy says, "The fight between you and me. I can't pay for the drinks".
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

Two men went bear hunting. Whi...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (28)

Funny Photo of the day - Going Postal

Going Postal | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

The lord givith....

A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.

The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.

Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.

The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine. But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Wayne

An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the council worker.

"10" replies the blonde girl.

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.

"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (39)

Calculate the number 1937

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 1937 using numbers [1, 2, 6, 3, 73, 639] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Bill Engvall: Creepy Old Man Status Achieved At 50

I love being fifty. Fifty is a very cool age. But it does come with some responsibilities. Like fifty-year-old guys cant go out with really young girls anymore. Up to fifty, you can. But once you hit fifty, you become that creepy old guy. And weve all done it. You see some old guy with some young girl, you dont sit there and go Aw, that is so sweet. This is what everybody in this room says: Money or drugs, thats all Im saying. Money or drugs.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (27)

Three buddies die in a car cra...

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked: 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?'
The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 6.02/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (54)

Better Than Botox?

Q. What's the name of a face lotion developed for Jewish women?
A. Oil of Oy Vey
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 December 2009
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (24)

A woman goes into a sporting g...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 6.84/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (19)

All Categories

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

Who Is God?

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Three nuns used to go to the c...

Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants.

They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all.

When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, "Straight, straight, curly."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

This nun was taking a bath, wh...

This nun was taking a bath, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?," she cried.

"It's the blind man.," was the answer.

Says the nun, "Well, come on in and tell me your troubles."

In comes the man.

"Wow!" he says, "Where should I hang the blinds?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (5)

never, under any circumAmanpre...

never, under any circumAmanpreetces, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

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