Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 29 June 2010
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Leave a sample...

An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing.

After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."

The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"

The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Great news for Bill Gates #jokes #humor

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Secondly, you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 95.
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Funny video of the day Tuesday, 29 June 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Gay porn is now recyclable. Gay porn is now recyclable. Waste not wanton nuts.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

While living in Denver the wea...

While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie’s wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie’s wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie’s wife said, my goodness, now I don’t know where to park the car. “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage!” Willie said.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Funny Photo of the day - BONO

BONO | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
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Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Six Indisputable Truths For Life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And they will discover that #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now, because you are an idiot.
5. You will soon be forwarding this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.
.....I apologize about this, but I'm an idiot, and I needed company......
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

God Takes a Holiday

Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.23/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (30)

I have a single waving hand ...

I have a single waving hand I'm present in places across the land On fairer days, I depart I shorten with a broken heart. What am I?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A Marine colonel on his way ho...

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the Impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

X-Ray

Patient: Well, doc, what does the X-ray of my head show?

Doctor: Nothing.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.79/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (14)

Wanda Sykes: African American or Black

Im not politically correct. I still say black, I do. Because African American -- theres no bonus; its not going to make your life any easier. You dont see black people standing around going, Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you, this beats the hell out of being black. We should have made the switch years ago.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (15)

A wife woke in the middle of t...

A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 January 2010
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (53)

A guy walks into the doctor's ...

A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 February 2009
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

Substitute at the Pearly Gates

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 June 2009
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (16)

No more nailbiting...

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 June 2008
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (15)

Did you hear about the new Chi...

Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 June 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (12)

While the Cat's Away

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 June 2008
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

"Now, most dentist's...

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'.

And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 June 2008
  • Currently 2.11/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (9)

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