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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Jul the 7th 2010
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YOU DON’T PUNCH ME |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Nick Swardson: On Jane Goodall |
| She left, went and studied apes, and then just came home -- went for six years and then just came home. And its like, what a weird thing to do with your life. She just went and studied them, like how they act and how they eat and they function, and then just left. Went for six years -- left. An ape couldnt do that to us, you know. An ape couldnt just walk into your house and study you for six years. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Lawyer One Liners #2 |
| ** How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
** How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
** If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Do you know what day it is? |
"I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:
"Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses.
At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation.
His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
Ways To Annoy Public Bathroom Friends
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. "Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. "Damn, this water is cold."
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. "Now how did that get there?"
8. "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
10. "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"
13. "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
14. "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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"Honk, if you don't exist."
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Rules |
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week,"
replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice. "I hope
it is alright."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who
is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
History Teacher: "Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student: "Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.6/10 (8 votes cast) |
| To a vegetarian, meat is murder. But for a sandwich, meat is mortar. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.6/10 (16 votes cast) |
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