JOKES OF THE DAY

and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!"

The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!"

"Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account."

The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!"

"Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared!

"This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?"

"Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted."

The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it.

"Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......"

Biblical bumper stickers:

Jonah: Save the Whales

The Israelites: Honk If You Love Moses

Elijah: My Other Chariot Rolls

Goliath: Support the Ban on Slingshots

Lot: If You Can’t See Sodom, You’re Too Close

Methuselah: Be Kind to Senior Citizens


From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."