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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Jul the 10th 2010
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Jordan Rubin: One Part Fat |
| I dont mind fat people, I just dont like fat people that try to pretend that one part of their bodys fat. Like my Aunt Saras like that. Ill be like, Hey, Aunt Sara, you want a piece of this cake? Shell be like, I cant have that cake. Itll go straight to my hips. Really? Well, it seems to make a pit stop on your ass and back. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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The Mink Coat |
| A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the
shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly
whispers,
"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
\$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.
"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you
show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Remove the curse... |
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife". |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
What was Jesus?
My black friend had 3 arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
My Jewish friend had 3 arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 30.
3. He was sure His Mother was a virgin and His mother was sure He was God.
My Italian friend gave his 3 arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
My California friends had 3 arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
My Irish friend then gave his 3 arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But my lady friend had most compelling evidence that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Stuff Happens
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Tao: Stuff happens.
Catholicism: If stuff happens, you deserved it.
Protestantism: Let stuff happen to somebody else.
Judasim: Why does stuff always happen to us?
Islam: Stuff happens according to the will of Allah.
Buddhism: The stuff is an illusion.
Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening?
Hinduism: This stuff happened before.
Mormonism: This stuff should multiply.
Baha'i Faith: Stuff happens in a progressive manner.
Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this stuff.
Atheism: That stuff about the stuff is all just made up stuff.
Jonestown: Forget about the stuff and just drink the Kool-Aid.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member mytmouse57 |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.0/10 (7 votes cast) |
A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, "I
can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do
you think it is because I am a blonde?" Her mother replied, "Of
couse it is, dear."
The next day, the blonde said, "I can say the alphabet higher
then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a
blonde?"
Her mother replied, "Of course it is dear!"
The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked
her mother, "I have bigger breasts then all the kids in my
class, do you think its because I am a blonde?"
Her mother replied, "No dear, I'm sorry, I think it is because
you are eighteen years old."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
| Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing \$2,000. He is offering a reward of \$500.00 for its immediate return.” After a moment of silence, there was a call from the back of the room, “\$550.00” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A young woman said to her doctor, 'You have to help me, I hurt all over.' 'What do you mean?' said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe. 'Ow, even THAT hurts.' The doctor asked the woman, 'Are you a natural blonde?' 'Why yes,' she said. 'I thought so,' said the doctor. 'You have a sprained finger.' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.7/10 (17 votes cast) |
| How does a short-order cook wish you good luck? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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