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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Jul the 23rd 2010
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Paul F. Tompkins: Letter to the Editor |
| What I dont understand is when people write letters to magazines to say how much they agreed with a particular review or how much they enjoyed a particular article, you know what I mean?... You might as well write a letter to your grocery store. Dear grocery store: thanks for putting your eggs in a carton. It makes them a lot easier to get them home. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Big ethical dilemma |
| Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her \$100.
She gave him a \$100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another \$100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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The doctor... |
A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?"
The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.9/10 (10 votes cast) |
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said...
"Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.3/10 (12 votes cast) |
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Hollywood Squares |
These great questions and answers are from the days when theHollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him...
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
Da-ad..." "What?"
I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
WHAT?"
I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...
Daaaa-aaaad..."
WHAT??!!"
When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.2/10 (12 votes cast) |
| My car is so fast the payments are three months behind. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
| A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study & said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little & get your hair cut, & we'll talk about it."
After about a month, the boy came back & again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment & replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, & even Jesus had long hair ..." To which his father replied, "Yes, & they WALKED every where they went too!" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (18 votes cast) |
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