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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Jul the 26th 2010
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Oh God, Billy Overflowed The Toilet…Run… |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 6.1/10 (9 votes cast) |
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Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish |
| Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.2/10 (9 votes cast) |
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alcohol warnings |
| The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.9/10 (8 votes cast) |
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50/50 |
A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.
Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him.
The young man felt sorry for them and asked "I'm sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don't have to split your food?"
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we've been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50."
The young man said, "Wow! That's commendable." He then turned to the wife and asked, "Aren't you going to eat your share?"
The wife replied "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.0/10 (9 votes cast) |
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Thanksgiving Trio
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Three Thanksgiving Jokes:
- Last Thanksgiving, I had my chance to do the traditional thing of shooting my own turkey. Man, you should have seen the people scatter in the meat department.
- When everyone at the table takes turns saying what they are thankful for, say, “I'm thankful I didn't get caught,†and refuse to say anything more.
- Keep your eye off the turkey dressing. It makes him blush!
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.6/10 (13 votes cast) |
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Impossible to Please |
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.8/10 (14 votes cast) |
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.0/10 (10 votes cast) |
There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.8/10 (31 votes cast) |
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