Jokes of the day for Thursday, 19 August 2010
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 19 August 2010|
Deer CampFour guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn’t believe it!
He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."
Fish porn? Deep Trout<...Fish porn? Deep Trout.
Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Thursday, 19 August 2010
A tightwad was convinced by a ...A tightwad was convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy. “What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a millionaire!” “I know,” he groaned, “But I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!”
Make God Laugh
You know how to you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.
Prior to her trip to Nebraska,...Prior to her trip to Nebraska, Buffy (a blond New Yorker) confided to her sorority sister she had three goals for her trip to the Cornhusker State.
She wanted to taste some real Nebraska beef, take in a bona fide rodeo and have sex with a cowboy.
Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. Let me tell you, they have the best steaks that I've ever had. There is no steak in the world that could compare. The taste is unbelievable!!
And I went to a real rodeo..talk about athletes - these guys wrestle real full-grown bulls - like in Spain! Except they ride a horse out at full gallop, then jump off the horses and literally grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground. It is incredible!"
They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a cowboy?"
Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry around in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
Find the right combination
One day an engineer dies.He wa...One day an engineer dies.He was kind that built lots of things, like air conditioners.When he went to heaven he met God. God says "Go to hell, you're not on my list."
So after going 30,255,391 stairs to hell, he lets the devil know who he is and so the devil says "Hey, come on in!"
In hell the engineer built airplanes, buildings, cars, etc. God sees this and says "Hey devil, you know that engineer guy. He needs to come back to heaven."
The devil says "Are you crazy, I'm not gonna let you have him." To which God says "If you dont let me have him, I'll sue."
Devil says "You can't sue! You dont even have lawyers up there!"
The children had all been phot...The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."
Good news and bad news...
A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news. He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after you."
Doctor Doctor Collection 04Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible!
Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!
Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking IÃ¢Â€Â™m invisible
Who said that?
An old man lived alone in New ...An old man lived alone in New Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament...
"Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili garden this year. I just getting too old to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me. Siempre, tu poppy "
A few days later he received a letter from his son...
"Dear Poppy, Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Francisco"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son...
"Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the chili now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Francisco"
Get it StraightA cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"
Bill Clinton's haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?"
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.
Clinton gasped, "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!"
Christophe replied, "That makes us even."
Asteroid Hits The Earth
Top Advantages of An Asteroid Really Hitting Earth
- For starters, you'd be able to surf in South Dakota.
- Wouldn't have to hear that garbage Aerosmith song anymore.
- The one dinosaur on the planet (here's a clue..he's purple) would be extinct.
- We'd miss out on Tony Danza's or Jenny McCarthy's next sitcom.
- Puts a major damper on that Molly Hatchet/Judas Priest reunion tour.
- Pretty good chance that the Gorditas Dog from the Taco Bell commercials wouldn't survive.
- There'd be no more movies on the topic, that's for sure.