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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Mouse Balls

NOTE: I don't know how anyone could write this with a straight face! This was an actual memo sent at an unnamed computer company to its employees. It went to all the company's field engineers, and it was in regard to a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious; the engineers rolled on the floor! (Especially note the last sentence!)
INSTRUCTIONS FOR REPLACING MOUSE BALLS
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (9)

The universal language of foot...

The universal language of foot injuries, ie A sprained toe.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #85 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The man lay on the couch telli...

The man lay on the couch telling his psychiatrist a sad tale. “I see my brother, Doctor,” he said. “He is walking down a long corridor, walking up fifteen steps in the green door. There are lots of people standing around. They’re bandaging his eyes – ooh – Doctor, Doctor what does it mean?” “Well,” said the psychiatrist, “if they ain’t playing blind man’s bluff he’s in real trouble.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Funny video of the day Wednesday, 22 September 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Walter Smith...

A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith. Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us a little clue."

The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave."

Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her to Whirling Walter!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - What’s on His Mind?

What’s on His Mind? | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Ponderings Collection 25


Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don't have film.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

where

Where in the hell do you get your jokes? The internet?!?

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

John Heffron: Older Women

Im not saying older women are sluttier; Im just saying, an older woman isnt gonna make you wait til three in the morning cause shes got sh*t to do the next day. Shell probably have you done by 10. Shes got a meeting to get up for. Heck, if she has kids, you might get to leave with one of those cool Lunchables boxes -- get yourself a little snack pack for all the work you put in.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

An old man goes to the Wizard ...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 January 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (88)

A couple was celebrating their...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the husband. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.

"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.

My wife quietly said 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife, a redhead, promptly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2009
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (12)

Two Aussies are adrift in a li...

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"
The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.
The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 May 2009
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Sister, Got Milk?

There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890's whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

Bowlegged

Why are cowgirls always bowlegged?

Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (48)

Did you hear about the dumb at...

Did you hear about the dumb athlete who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (14)

Best to get the facts......

Best to get the facts...

A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, madam? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years ... I thought he meant his money!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

The Zen Master is visiting New...

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet.

He goes up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"My change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 September 2009
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''
''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''
''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

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