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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Sep the 23rd 2010
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Brian Regan: Food Combinations |
| I have a friend who swears by food combinations -- have you heard of this nonsense? Shes nuts. Shes like, You know what? You should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. Its just the combinations of how you put the food together. And then her examples are like, You wouldnt want to eat steak and potatoes together, but you could have, like, a lemon rind and raisin skins -- not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam them. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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A Brunette's Sac |
| Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.
Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Humor About Irish Marriages |
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned.
The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.
"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"
"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Questions to ponder.... |
| If Con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations? |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
"In an interview with CNN this week, Dick Cheney said he may need more heart surgery. Cheney says his doctors have advised him to cut out all red meat, avoid stress and drop the extra 175 pounds (Bush picture on screen) that have been weighing him down." -- Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
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Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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The Wedding
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.9/10 (45 votes cast) |
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Mouse Balls |
NOTE: I don't know how anyone could write this with a straight face!
This was an actual memo sent at an unnamed computer company to its
employees. It went to all the company's field engineers, and it was in
regard to a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was
quite serious; the engineers rolled on the floor! (Especially note the
last sentence!)
INSTRUCTIONS FOR REPLACING MOUSE BALLS
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit).
Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically,
it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this
procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by
properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the
mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic
balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling
can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining
optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should
contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these
necessary items.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.3/10 (6 votes cast) |
Bruce and Sheila have been seeing each other for a while and Sheila asks Bruce to meet her on the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Sheila: I’ve got something to tell you, Bruce…I’m preganant and if you don’t marry me, I’m going to jump off this bridge into Sydney Harbour.
Bruce: That’s what I like about you, Sheila. Not only are you a great shag but you’re a good sport too. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
| A man found a magic genie who would grant him one wish. The man said to the genie,” I wish that I had a non-stop bridge from here to Hawaii." The genie said,” I’m sorry, but that's going to be very hard. Do you have another wish?" The man answered, "Of course! I want the power to understand all women." The genie thought for a minute. He replied, "How many platforms did you want on that bridge?" |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed.
She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the
basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he
husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby.
"Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to
either marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.3/10 (35 votes cast) |
| They released The Necklace in Bollywood. It was a Hindi pendant film. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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