Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 September 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 September 2010
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (57)

Happy Thanksgiving Check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes and quotes on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

Dear P...

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for the title of our school's newspaper. Right now it is the ‘Zeitgeist' but we would like something more catchy. Our school focuses on math, science and technology. Maybe something with ‘infinite'? ~Kelsey, Lawrenceville, GA (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
#joke
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A young and foolish pilot want...

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Monday, 27 September 2010

Funny video of the day Monday, 27 September 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Cell Phone

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Guilty Conscience

An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi."Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Slogan FAIL

Slogan FAIL | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Little Johnny watched, fascina...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.

"To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (7)

Oxymorons

47. Act naturally
46. Found missing
45. Resident alien
44. Advanced BASIC
43. Genuine imitation
42. Airline Food
41. Good grief
40. Same difference
39. Almost exactly
38. Government organization
37. Sanitary landfill
36. Alone together
35. Legally drunk
34. Silent scream
33. American history
32. Living dead
31. Small crowd
30. Business ethics
29. Soft rock
28. Butt Head
27. Military Intelligence
26. Software documentation
25. New York culture
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. 'Now, then ...'
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate

And the Number one top OXY-Moron
01. Microsoft Works

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is S. Length of words in solution: 7,5.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Birthday Study


It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

hell

im going to hell how bout you

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (4)

Robert Kelly: Naked With Socks

I sleep fully naked with socks. I think its sexy as hell. I dont know why shes complaining. Im talking tube socks from 1978 -- they come up to my knees; I look like Olivia Newton John in the Lets Get Physical video -- thats how hot Im talking. But she gets mad: But I want to be naked. Why cant we both be naked, so we can feel each other? The thing you need to feel doesnt have a sock, honey.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A guy walks into a bar...........

A guy walks into a bar...........

He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.

he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.

after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2010
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (42)

A lion woke up one morning ...

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion
"Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified wildebeest stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, making the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomped on the lion until it looked like a corn tortilla and then ambled away.
The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant, "Geez, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so pissed off!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2009
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (6)

New York State of Mind

Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 September 2009
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

A guy is sitting at a bar, thr...

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch.

The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay.

"No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?"

"Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore."

"Well, what did you say to your best friend?"

"BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 September 2008
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

The Million Dollar Question for God


A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, "God, what is a million years to you?"

God replies, "My son, a million years to you is like a second to me."

The man asks, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"God replies, "My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me."

The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?"

And God replies, "In a second."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 September 2008
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A couple from the kids...

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, 'There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.' 'How did you know?' his mother asked. 'Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,' he replied. 'I think it's printed on the bottom.'

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. 'What are you doing?' his mother asked. 'The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken' the boy explained. 'I'm looking for the seal.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 September 2009
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Moving with Jesus

A family recently moved to New Jersey. The first night as

the mother was putting her son, 2 1/2, to bed, she said,

"Let's say our prayers to Jesus."

The little boy asked, "Did he move with us too?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 September 2009
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.