Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 December 2010
  • Currently 9.63/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (123)

A miracle for a drink...

A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.

The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!"

"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (8)

College
A college's stu...

College
A college's student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college. Lo and behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league. All this success is due to one amazing player - a cross between Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.
This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide media attention. The student body is thrilled. Now, the NCAA goes to the college and asks for proof of this player's academic eligibility. The college administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works night and day coaching the student for the crucial test.
The day of the public examination arrives, and the entire student body is there to support their star player. A professor stands, and announces the first question, "How much is five and two?" The student frowns in deep concentration - he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer, "SEVEN". The entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry. "Give him another chance. Give him another chance".
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Funny video of the day Wednesday, 29 December 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Three couples are are at the l...

Three couples are are at the local horse races and the men are wondering what number horse to bet on. While thinking about what to do, one man suggests that they all go to the restroom and measure the size of their dicks, add the sizes together, and that would be the number of the horse they would bet on.

Deciding that this was an innovative idea, they went off to the men's restroom. Inside, the first man says "Mine is 6 inches", the second man says "Mine is 4 inches, so that totals 10", and the third guy says "Mine is 2 inches, so that brings the total to 12".

So they exit the restroom and put all their money on horse number 12. Sure enough, horse number 12 strides in front of all the rest to the finish line. So off they went to collect their winnings. Then came the problem of how they were going to split the money.

While thinking, the first man says, "Mine was 6 inches so I should get 60%". Thinking along the same line, the second man says "Mine was 4 inches so I should get 40%". Now the third guy thinks about this for a while and finally says, "I should get it all".

The other two look at each other and asked "Why?", to which the third man looks at the first man and says, "If I had not carried around a stiff erection all this afternoon looking up your wife's skirt every time she sat down, it would only have been 1 inch, in which case you would have bet on number 11 and lost everything".
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

Arj Barker: Walking Shoes

Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. Everybody get outta here! Theres a swarm of bees coming! What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (12)

Funny Photo of the day - THESE STEREOTYPES

THESE STEREOTYPES | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Twenty Things A Guy Learned From Action Movies


1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.
13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
18. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.
19. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction.
20. If everyone in a team dies, it's the last man's job to win the fight against his enemy.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (8)

Feeling guilty

Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?"

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (9)

Calculate the number 8208

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 8208 using numbers [6, 7, 9, 3, 25, 807] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Glory Be Unto the Father

Walking by, a minister saw his 5-year-old son and playmates find a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 June 2010
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

The US government is throwing ...

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don't know which side to spit on!
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 February 2010
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

A young woman said to her d...

A young woman said to her doctor, 'You have to help me, I hurt all over.' 'What do you mean?' said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe. 'Ow, even THAT hurts.' The doctor asked the woman, 'Are you a natural blonde?' 'Why yes,' she said. 'I thought so,' said the doctor. 'You have a sprained finger.'

#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 October 2009
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (59)

It seems a farm boy accide...

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Wilmer!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you," Wilmer answered. "But I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on." the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

Wilmer replied, "Under the wagon."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.34/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (56)

The chicken or the egg?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Give Me The News, Doc...

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

A police officer saw a car speeding...

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close hes saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving. The cop yelled, Pull over! The blonde shouted back, No! Its a sweater!
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (10)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.