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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 05 February 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 05 February 2011

When I'm in Spain, I hit...

When I'm in Spain, I hit the beach. I'm a total playa.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

The latest reports from the In...

The latest reports from the Internal Revenue service shows that it has streamlined its tax form this year.
It goes like this:
A. How much did you make last year?
B. How much do you have left?
C. Send B.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #119 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Dr. Phil and Obsessions

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick! We're leaving."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Saturday, 05 February 2011

Funny video of the day Saturday, 05 February 2011 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

Paddy the Irishman died in a f...

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arse holes."

"What, he had two arse holes?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arse holes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes..."
#joke
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Gameboy Condoms

Gameboy Condoms | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

Rocky...

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."

#joke #halloween
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

New Hampshire Crazy Law


  • It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
  • It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
  • Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
  • You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
  • You may not run machinery on Sundays.
  • You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
  • On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.

    White Mountain Nat. Forest


  • If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ''maintaining the national forest without a permit''.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 5.75/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

    Blonde on a Diet

    A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a

    diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a

    day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I

    see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

    When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing

    nearly 20 pounds.

    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my

    instructions?"

    The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was

    going to drop dead that 3rd day."

    "From hunger, you mean?"

    "No, from skipping.

    #joke #blonde #doctor
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

    Eliot Chang: Politically Correct Friend

    He actually said this to me; hes like, Hey man, you got to be careful. Theres a lot of women that have an Asian fetish. Well, what do you mean? Theyll have sex with you just cause youre Asian. Arent you offended? Uh, Ill be offended after my orgasm.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 3.21/10

    Rating: 3.2/10 (39)

    "Doctors at a hospital in Broo...

    "Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs."
    #joke #short #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 April 2010
    • Currently 3.17/10

    Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

    The Wedding Proposal

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor, and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.”
    He slipped the priest the cash and walked away.
    The wedding day arrived. When it came time for the groom’s vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said,” Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
    The groom gulped and looked around and then said in a tiny voice, “I do.”
    After the ceremony, the groom pulled the priest aside and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”
    The priest slipped the $100 back into the man’s hand and whispered, “The bride’s father made me a much better offer.”
    This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2009
    • Currently 6.43/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

    Recently a teacher, a garbage ...

    Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
    The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
    Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
    #joke #lawyer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 December 2009
    • Currently 6.15/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (84)

    There were four men, one from ...

    There were four men, one from China, Greenland, America and one
    from Australia.
    One night they were bragging on how good their country are. The
    Chinese said, "my country is the best cause we have the great
    wall."
    The Greenlander said, "no, mine is the best as we have the
    greenest greenest grass."
    The American said, "no, mine is the best as we have our flag 50
    stars and 50 stripes."
    The Australian said, "no, mine is the greatest country as we
    have the kangaroo which will jump over the great wall, shit on
    the greenest greenest grass and wipe its ass on the American
    flag."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2009
    • Currently 2.34/10

    Rating: 2.3/10 (74)

    Angry Witch

    Q. What do you call an angry Witch?
    A. Ribbit

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2009
    • Currently 3.32/10

    Rating: 3.3/10 (44)

    An old man goes to the Wizard ...

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

    The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

    The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2009
    • Currently 5.73/10

    Rating: 5.7/10 (37)

    Son of a lawyer

    While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

    "My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

    "Adam," replied the second.

    "My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

    Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

    "Honest?" asked Joshua.

    "No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.

    #joke #doctor #lawyer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2009
    • Currently 6.97/10

    Rating: 7.0/10 (31)

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