Jokes of the day for Thursday, 31 March 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 31 March 2011
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (114)

Personal ad

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever dog.

#joke
Joke | Source: everything zoomer - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, used to have fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

When I was in Japan, I bummed ...

When I was in Japan, I bummed some wine, in Nagasaki.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Thursday, 31 March 2011

Funny video of the day Thursday, 31 March 2011 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

New customer to Tech Support: ...

New customer to Tech Support: “It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.
Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?
Customer: 'Tried but nothing”
Tech Support: “What key did you hit?
After a moment and some chick ling sound the customer replied: Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

The Umbrella

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT

MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (8)

Homework Help

Parents are expected to participate in their children’s education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, John, whenever he’s stumped. One day after school, John ran into the house waving a paper in the air. “Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework,” he announced. “You made one, Dad made one and I made one!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Shit hits the fan

A man walks into a bar. "Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan."

A few minutes later, same thing. "Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan."

This goes on for an hour or so.

Finally the Bartender goes up to him and says, "Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink."

"Oops, the shit just hit the fan." He replied.

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

A man walks into a railway sta...

A man walks into a railway station. He walks up to the ticket window and says "(sniff) Fird clad redurn to Nodingham pleade (sniff)".

The ticket bloke says "You know what you need.. you need Tunes".

"Why" says the man... "Will id cure Cereble Palsdsy"?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 January 2011
  • Currently 2.38/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (8)

Natasha Leggero: Male Comics

Male comics are always coming up to me, and theyre like, Hey, Natasha, dont you think youre a little attractive to be a comedian? And Im like, Dont you think youre a little ugly to be talking to me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 March 2010
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (30)

Business One-liners 17


Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
Beware the man of one book. - St. Thomas Aquinas
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it for he shall enjoy living.
Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (12)

A funeral service is being hel...

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out,

"WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 October 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (57)

An elderly gentleman...
An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my
will three times!'
#joke #doctor

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 July 2009
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

So this sardarji is walking th...

So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road.
Can you guess what he might be thinking??
Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 March 2010
  • Currently 2.81/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (27)

A Meeting With the Board

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.
“You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.
“I know,” said the man. “If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet him.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 March 2009
  • Currently 4.32/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (19)

After a series of tests, the 3...

After a series of tests, the 3 top candidates were chosen for a final interview with the CIA Director for a job opening. The first one's interview went really well... so the Director says: "I think you are the right man for the job, there is just one last thing you must do to prove your loyalty, here is a gun, go to the next room and shoot your wife."

The man stands up and says, "Sorry Sir, I can't do that" and walks out. The same thing happens with the second applicant. The third guy's interview went well, so he is asked to prove his loyalty to the future job in the same way.

The Guy takes the gun, goes next door. The CIA Director hears : "Bang...".. pause ...... "Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang." ..... long pause..... then a scuffle and noises...... silence. The third applicant returns to the Director's office and says" Some Idiot loaded this gun with blanks... so I had to strangle her!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 March 2009
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (12)

"Say," began Lucille...

"Say," began Lucille one day over lunch, "didn't you go out with that guy who played the French horn?"

"Yeah," said Diane, stirring her iced tea.

"You were really looking forward to it, I remember. How'd it go?" Lucille leaned forward eagerly.

"Actually he was a pretty nice guy," volunteered Diane reluctantly. "But there was one real problem..."

"Oh, really?"

"Every time he kissed me, he wanted to shove his fist up my ass."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 March 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (12)

While sports fishing off the F...

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 March 2010
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (12)

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