Jokes of the day for Friday, 03 June 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 03 June 2011
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (55)

The First Law of Thermodynamic...

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (11)

Move the car

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

“I have to ask you to move your car,” Cal told him.

“Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?”

“No,” Cal replied, “it's at the wrong address.”

#joke
Joke | Source: 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Crotch race Japan

Crotch race Japan - Another Crazy competition from Japan - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (2)

Want high-class accommodation?...

Want high-class accommodation? Stay in a hautel.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

Google Ads

Judge: Haven’t I seen you befo...

Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Nice head

Nice head - Is Bebop your cousin? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (16)

Eggs

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"
Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."
The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."
Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."
The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?
"No," she says.
The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (8)

Miracle of Toilet Paper:
<...

Miracle of Toilet Paper:

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

What is the next number in the series?

Look at the series (7645, 5764, 4576, ?), determine the pattern, and find the value of the next number!
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Wrong way....

As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

You Might Be A Redneck If 50


You might be a redneck if...
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (18)

Writing letters to son

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (22)

Dan St. Germain: Video Game Nuptials

A friend of mine had a Super Mario Brothers-themed wedding two years ago. Then, a year after that, he had a regular-themed divorce.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (17)

Nursery school teacher says to...

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (38)

Odd Rabbi Out

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.
The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"
"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 July 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (35)

Nick Swardson: First High School Reunion

I just got invited to my first high school reunion. I want to show up as the first thing I wanted to be when I was younger. Wouldnt that be cool if you showed up, and everybodys like, Hey, hows it going, Nick? Yeah, its me, Bob, remember? Yeah, Im a real estate agent now, and Ive got my own company. Jims a lawyer, and hes got his own firm. So, what are you doing? I am a ninja. I rule the night.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 June 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Things sure have changed...

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 June 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

A blonde's car gets a flat tyr...

A blonde's car gets a flat tyre on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 June 2009
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

The Sin

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of a church listening to a fiery preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!" When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 June 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

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