Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 June 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 June 2011
  • Currently 9.62/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (115)

All Night Duty

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Chuck Norris is what Willis wa...

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.16/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (32)

Funny video of the day - What friends are for

What friends are for - America Funniest Home Videos part 617 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Intercom repair

My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school.

One night while he was staffing the drive-thru, a customer told him that the Intercom wasn't working properly. My friend's son went about filling the order while a female co-worker fiddled with the intercom.

She asked, “Is that okay now?”

“Well, no,” the customer replied. “Now you sound like a girl.”

#joke
Joke | Source: 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

If you get sick on a bus, just...

If you get sick on a bus, just blame your fellow passin' germs.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Blending In

Blending In - Riht way to do it | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

Did you here about the guy who...

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?
He's alright now!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Why Ask Why 01


Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (20)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (15, 16, 17, 25, 26, 27, 33, 54, 55, 56, 61) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Mouse Pad

Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe

I have this thing that I do called Mysteries of the Universe, when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 March 2010
  • Currently 3.95/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (22)

10 Things Men Know About Women

10 Things Men Know About Women

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (49)

There were three men standing ...

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter came out to meet them and asked, "What would you like to hear your relatives and friends say at your funeral?"

The first man answered, "I am a renowned doctor, and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving people's lives and giving them a second chance."

The second man replied, "I am a family man and a school teacher. I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I made a difference in some young people's lives."

The third man replied, "Wow guys, those are all really great things, but I guess if I had the chance I would rather hear someone say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 November 2009
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (6)

No more nailbiting...

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 June 2008
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (15)

Five Jewish Men

Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 3.79/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (29)

Deserted island

Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island. For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship.

One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried off and they started talking.

April asked Harry, "what is something you've REALLY missed being out here on a desserted island for so long?"

"A clean shirt," was Harry's response. With a huff, April reached into the steamer trunk and tossed Harry a shirt.

April let out a short huff, but persevered: "Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here...all alone...on an island with NOBODY all this time?"

"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is: I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."

April reached into her steamer trunk once again and tossed Harry a pillow; and she would not be put off. Striking her most alluring pose, she asked in her most provocative voice, "C'mon, Harry, wouldn't you like to play around?"

Harry got all excited and started jumping up and down. "Don't tell me you have a set of GOLF CLUBS in there, too?!???!?!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 5.39/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (28)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 97


Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One--but he has to wait until the light is better.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.
Q: How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 June 2010
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

One day a college professor of...

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (8)

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