Jokes of the day for Thursday, 09 June 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 09 June 2011
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (61)

Funny Windows Messages

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3.Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
6.Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
7.This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
8.To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
9.BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
10.COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
11.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
13.Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
14.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
15.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
16.User Error: Replace user.
17.Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
18.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Chuck Norris knows the last di...

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (30)

Funny video of the day - Two Chinese cars on the road

Two Chinese cars on the road - - Like Two Goats on the Bridge - this road is not wide enough for both of them - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

Driving complaint

I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there's this man in a Mustang doing 95 miles per hour with his face up next to his rear view mirror … shaving!!!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back, he's halfway over in my lane.

It scared me so bad I almost dropped my eye liner pencil in my coffee.

#joke
Joke | Source: 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

I popped eight pimples. It was...

I popped eight pimples. It was an act o' pus. I'd rather have ten tickles.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - The Witches Stew is Ready

The Witches Stew is Ready | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (12)

A man went into a dentist and ...

A man went into a dentist and said "how much will it cost to have teeth taken out" "$90" said the dentist "that’s ridiculous" said the man.” I could lose the anesthetic and it would cost $60" "that’s still to expensive,” said the man "if I don't use any anesthesia I could knock the price down to $20". Still to much" said the man.” Well one of my students can do it for $10" said the dentist "perfect" said the man "book my wife for next Tuesday".
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

Some Musical Christmas Advice

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (24)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (15, 16, 17, 25, 26, 27, 33, 54, 55, 56, 61) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Donald Glover: Serious Black Candidate

When he was coming up, people were like, We have a serious black candidate for president. This is crazy. We have a serious black candidate. And then when he won, they were like, Our first multi-racial president. And I was like, Thats not fair. I mean, lets set the record straight. If you went outside tonight after this show and Barack Obama was stealing your car, you wouldnt yell, Hey, someone stop that mixed guy!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 August 2010
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (48)

Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (27)

A blonde was hard up for money...

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 January 2010
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (58)

Yo Mama Is So Dark


Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk!
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

#joke #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

If Bible Characters Had Bumper Stickers

Biblical bumper stickers:
Jonah: Save the Whales
The Israelites: Honk If You Love Moses
Elijah: My Other Chariot Rolls
Goliath: Support the Ban on Slingshots
Lot: If You Can’t See Sodom, You’re Too Close
Methuselah: Be Kind to Senior Citizens
From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 November 2009
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

Any questions?

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

Blow The Horn

Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 June 2010
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

The wedding ring....

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 June 2008
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Mommy, you are getting fat!

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied ... "but what is growing in your butt?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 June 2009
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Prisoner

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.

So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes.

But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Hey, it's not life imprisonment!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 June 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

Adam Sandler: Just Be Dead

If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not cause I hate her so much as its just easier for when my friends go, Hey, what happened? Oh, shes dead. Id still be with her, but shes dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but shes dead.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 June 2010
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

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