Jokes of the day for Monday, 04 July 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 04 July 2011
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (61)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

There is, in fact, an "I" in N...

There is, in fact, an "I" in Norris. But there is no "team", not even close.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.59/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (17)

Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Embarrassing Wedding Dance Fail

Embarrassing Wedding Dance Fail - Break dance attempt ends up in water - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

"Fidel Castro is still in...

"Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. He still thinks communism was a good idea until he was being rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile."
--Conan O'Brien
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

AMEN, BROTHER!

Two elderly, excited women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs..."AMEN, BROTHER!"

When the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled again..."PREACH IT, REVEREND!"

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying...they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER...TELL IT LIKE IT IS...AMEN!"

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, "He's done quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Leaning Tower of High Five

Leaning Tower of High Five | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Someone Really Stinks


A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (34)

No chair

What does E.T. stand for?

Because he hasn't got a chair!

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (14)

Who is the mysterious person i...

Who is the mysterious person in the picture?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Arj Barker: 4th of July

I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (59)

A lawyer was cross-examining t...

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
  • Currently 7.97/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (32)

Three sons left home, went out...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 November 2009
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (62)

A Bad Gift for a Buddhist

Q: Why is a vacuum cleaner a bad gift for a Buddhist?
A: Because it comes with attachments.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 June 2009
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

Arj Barker: 4th of July

I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (59)

Jesus Is Watching You!

There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (40)

Tall grass

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

Very satisfying.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (27)

A lady about eight months preg...

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself. BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident...I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (14)

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