Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 July 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 July 2011
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (54)

Chuck Norris does not use spel...

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (12)

Danger! Do Not Touch!

Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: “Danger! Do Not Touch!”

Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.

Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!

#joke
Joke | Source: everything zoomer - EverythingZoomer.com is the lifestyle site for the discriminating
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - World record set for roller-skating jump

World record set for roller-skating jump - This Frenchman can fly! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (7)

Afghanistan may not have the I...

Afghanistan may not have the Internet, but they are kings of Khyber space.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Good Advice from Maxine

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Living in a n*dist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
#joke #halloween
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - How Did He Reel That In?

How Did He Reel That In?
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

A Jewish Telegram

Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Rotten luck...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

#joke
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is M. Length of words in solution: 6,6,4.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Cat Jokes 03


Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?

A: 'Claws.'
Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?

A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripey sweater!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
Q: What is lion's favorite food?

A: Baked beings!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.53/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (34)

Porn movies

Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?

They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (44)

Al Jackson: Bacardi 151

I had a bad introduction to drinking, as it is. When I was 14 years old, my boys got me in a room and they gave me Bacardi 151. I didnt even know what the 151 stood for; I thought it was like Heinz 57 sauce or Formula 409 or some sh*t. Turns out you have 151% chance of taking a swing at your dad.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 March 2011
  • Currently 3.41/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (41)

An engineer dies and reports t...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there, send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 May 2010
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (37)

A sister and brother are talki...

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'." The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 November 2009
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (55)

The photographer for a nationa...

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 5.07/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

Price Check on Tampax

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one

of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when

the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the

store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."

As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the

store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the

intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb

or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (37)

It was the middle of the night...

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan. The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted.
“No,” moaned the man. “Sick.”
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 6.86/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (28)

Bill Hicks: Confusing L.A. Weather

L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, Rained all day, didnt help the drought. Back to you, Tom. I got news for you, folks. If water doesnt solve your drought, youre screwed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (27)

Rules

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 6.77/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

Second opinion

A man went to the doctor for his first prostate exam, and asked the doctor how the procedure is performed.

The doctor replied while putting on his glove and some K-Y jelly around his forefinger, "I insert this finger into your rectum and look for lumps and what not."

"You're going to stick that finger up my ass?" the patient asked.

"Yes." The doctor said.

"While you're at it, I want you to stick two fingers up my ass."

"Why?" asked the doctor

The patient replied, "I want a second opinion."

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by Glaci and Curtis

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 July 2008
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

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