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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (85)

Bumpy flight

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?”

To which he replied, “Lady, I'm in sales, not management.”

#joke
Joke | Source: everything zoomer - EverythingZoomer.com is the lifestyle site for the discriminating
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Cooking class...

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Now don't forget to use wooden spoons."

As I stirred my sauce, I contempleted the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked.

"Because, she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'd go nuts!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - 148 bikers in a movie theatre

148 bikers in a movie theatre - Will yo take your seets and watch movie? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

Jordan Rubin: New Cell Phone

You ever get a new cell phone and youre too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (39)

Morning Coffee

Contributed by Joe Driscoll

One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson answered, "Like it says on TV, Grandma. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in you're cup"...

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Soaking Up The Rain

Soaking Up The Rain | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

Really funny jokes-Virgin airline sponsorship

BCCI REFUSES VIRGIN AIRLINE SPONSORSHIP
Billionaire Virgin business group boss Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the Indian cricket team currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats.
However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million-pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.
As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we got screwed in every match in England"!
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

A man receives a call from his...

A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”

“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.”

“Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative.

The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

When in a bar, you can order a...

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 2.76/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (42)

The Race…

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

A teacher asked students to br...

A teacher asked students to bring old staff, 1 kid came with his grandpa
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Answering Machine Message 116


Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.73/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (11)

Bare back...

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'

#joke
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (36)

A married couple are driving a...

A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.

Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to ninety mph.

"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 April 2010
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (12)

What does the starship enterpr...

What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 November 2009
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (56)

Little Johnny watched, fascina...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.

"To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 September 2010
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (8)

A guy is sitting at a bar, thr...

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch.

The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay.

"No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?"

"Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore."

"Well, what did you say to your best friend?"

"BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 September 2008
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

Robert Kelly: Naked With Socks

I sleep fully naked with socks. I think its sexy as hell. I dont know why shes complaining. Im talking tube socks from 1978 -- they come up to my knees; I look like Olivia Newton John in the Lets Get Physical video -- thats how hot Im talking. But she gets mad: But I want to be naked. Why cant we both be naked, so we can feel each other? The thing you need to feel doesnt have a sock, honey.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 September 2010
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

New York State of Mind

Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 September 2009
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

A young and foolish pilot want...

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where?"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 September 2010
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

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