Jokes of the day for Saturday, 22 October 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 22 October 2011
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (69)

Question & Answer

Contributed by The Florida Dude

Q: What did one math book say to the other?

A: Man I got a lot of problems!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Really funny jokes-Suffering accountants

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Epic Goose Attack in Slow Motion

Epic Goose Attack in Slow Motion - Dont bother Goose - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.78/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (9)

The teacher said: Tommy, this...

The teacher said: Tommy, this is the fifth day this week you’ve had to stay after school. What have you to say for yourself?

I’m certainly glad it’s Friday, said Tommy.
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Kryptonite has been found to c...

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (12)

Funny Photo of the day - Caution: Slippery When Wet

Caution: Slippery When Wet | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (11)

Fine

A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said “Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100.”

The lawyer stood up and said “Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd…”

Source: LotsofJokes.com

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

I love turning on fans. It giv...

I love turning on fans. It gives me vent elation.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Find number abc

If c7c44 - c4ca7 = b017 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Little Johnny wasn't very good...

Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"

After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Getting to Heaven from the Post Office

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.
After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”
“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (24)

Two children went into their p...

Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner.

"Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don't step on it!"

"Why not?" asked the sibling.

"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Geraniums....

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (13)

Answering Machine Message 146


(To the tune of Sidewalk Surfing by the Beach Boys:) Catch a quake and go seismo surfing with me... (Music fades.) Yo, Dudes and Dudettes! Grab your skateboard and head for the nearest epicenter, because *QUAKE'S UP*! As for me, I'm from New Jersey, so I'm gonna hide under the biggest doggone piece of furniture I can find. Leave your message at the tone, and I'll get back to you as soon as the shaking stops.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (12)

Blonde Restroom Attendant

Q: Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom attendant?
A: She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (28)

Jeff Dye: Double Standards

A lot of double standards in Los Angeles. Like if a girl goes out, sleeps with a bunch of dudes, shes considered a slut. But if a guy does it, hes considered a homosexual. Thats messed up.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (17)

The Butt Biter

A few years ago when my girlfriend still lived with her parents, I managed to pull a real lu-lu. I came out of the bathroom at the end of the hall in her parents' home and as I walked past my girlfriend's bedroom I saw her making the bed.

She was kneeling on the bed facing away from me, trying to tuck the sheets under the far side of the mattress. Of course this meant her luscious behind was sticking up and waving invitingly in the air. Well, there's few things I like more than gently sinking my teeth into a girl's nice behind, a habit which my girlfriend had already become familiar with.

So naturally I snuk up behind her behind and bit her butt. Imagine my horror when her mother's incredulous face turns around and looks back at me! She didn't know what the hell I was up to!

Of course I could've died of embarrassment at that moment. I stuttered a few words saying how I thought it was her daughter's butt (I don't think that would necessarily go over too well either!), apologized and got out of there.

The next thing I did was march downstairs and immediately tell her husband what had just happened – I'd much rather he heard it from me than her! Of course he laughed his head off and they all still tease me about it to this day.

And I later found out that my middle-aged mother-in-law was actually kind of thrilled to have someone mistake her butt for that of a 25-year-old.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.51/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (35)

Why was the Blonde fired from ...

Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's!
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 December 2009
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (43)

While the bar patron savored a...

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (56)

Blonde v. Mosquito

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a mosquito?

A: A mosquito quits sucking after you hit it.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2009
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (32)

A man awoke one evening to dis...

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!" Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!" The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available!"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 October 2010
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (30)

Native American Hears


A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle Of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.
The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing.
The tribesman began to speak..."woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, Four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h."
"That's amazing" exclaimed the father.
"You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground"?
"No", said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago"!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2009
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (15)

A blonde named Mary decides to...

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.

"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.

"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

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