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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, October the 25th 2011

Funny video of the day Crazy Fast hand Cake Lady - Crazy Fast hand Cake Lady Permalink - I want some of those cakes Share on Twitter Like on facebook

Rating: 2.8/10 (11 votes cast)

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Autocomplete Me: Is A Cat…
Autocomplete Me: Is A Cat…
Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments - - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
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Rating: 3.5/10 (11 votes cast)

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Arj Barker: No Razors in Halloween Candy
Theres no razor in candy. If for no other reason, it doesnt make financial sense. Its not fiscally prudent. How much does a piece of candy cost -- like, a penny and a half? An apples like 15 cents? Anybody here bought a Mach 3 replacement cartridge recently? Theyre so expensive, they dont even keep them on the shelf. You know, you have to ask the people behind the counter. I feel like Im trying to buy enriched plutonium or something.
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.8/10 (11 votes cast)

Pickle Slicer
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" he asked.

"Oh, Bill, you didn't," she said.

"Yes, I did," he told her.

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" she asked.

"Oh... she got fired too."

Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.6/10 (8 votes cast)

 Lost In A Balloon

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him:


"We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?"


The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:


"You're in a balloon!"


The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:


"That man must be a manager."


"Why?"


"Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!"






Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily. - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.8/10 (9 votes cast)

Jury duty...

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the \$12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.7/10 (9 votes cast)

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks"!

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks"! The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing 10 mins. later when a train hit them!
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast)

A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth." To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist." "Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on."
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.0/10 (5 votes cast)

 
Ladies Restroom
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, “May I please speak to your manager?” He says, “Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?” She replies, “I don’t know if your the man to talk to…its kind of personal…” Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, “I’m pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss.” She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth…and he begins sucking them, thinking “I’m in!!!” She goes, “Can you give the manager something for me?” The bartender nods…yes. “Tell him there’s no toilet paper in the ladies restroom.”

Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast)

A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you peed in the pool."

"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."

"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.8/10 (46 votes cast)

Pilot Pride

As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I’ve often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I’m a “real” pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. “My sister would be so proud of you!” she remarked.

I figured her sister must also be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.

Replied the woman, “She’s a dentist.”

Source: Good clean fun!

Permalink | Source : 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 3.2/10 (5 votes cast)

Angry Nuns Take On a Vampire

Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of their car. "Quick sister," screams one nun, "Show him your cross!"

So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Hey! You! Buzz off!"

Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 5.0/10 (6 votes cast)

Everyday, Chuck Norris goes for a short walk, just to keep the planet spinning.
Permalink | Source : Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 3.9/10 (15 votes cast)

Q: What do you call a midget fortuneteller on the run from the law?

A: A small medium at large.
Permalink | Source : MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.2/10 (5 votes cast)

Funny jokes-Spanish lessons
Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.

"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?"

"Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"
Permalink | Source : Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 3.7/10 (6 votes cast)

Spelling Bee

Contributed by Bonita Browning

Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.

"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"

After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

Permalink | Source : Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 3.6/10 (7 votes cast)

Do carpenters puts jamb on their toast?
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site Share joke of the day on Twitter

Rating: 4.7/10 (6 votes cast)

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