Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 October 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (81)

Playing Golf with God

Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.
The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.37/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (27)

The Time

Contributed by The Florida Dude

Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?

Control tower: What airline is this?

Pilot: What difference does that make?

Control tower: Well if you are United, it is 6:00p.m.; if you are TWA, it is 1800 hours; if you are Delta, the big hand is on the�..�

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Funny Indoor Soccer Fail!

Funny Indoor Soccer Fail! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Funny jokes-Romantic Gorilla

Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, jumped to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest.
The nuns met again a week later and one of the nuns asked her friend,"I have one question. Did he sent flowers afterwards...?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

TEACHER: What do you call...

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PUPILS: A teacher.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Jumping A Car Gone Horribly Wrong

Jumping A Car Gone Horribly Wrong | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuc...

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (24)

Rainy Day Hanger

One rainy evening,a couple emerged from a restaurant only to find that
they had locked the keys in the car. The husband insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.

The husband then ran to a department store a few blocks away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they both climbed in.

As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, “Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one.”

Source: JustCleanJokes.com

#joke
Joke | Source: 50Plus.com - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

What is the missing number?

What is the missing number?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The world will never run out o...

The world will never run out of water, according to Wells Fargo.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Visit to the museum...

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Maryland Crazy Law


  • Thistles may not grow in one's yard.

    Baltimore


  • No person who is a "tramp" or "vagrant" shall loiter in any park at any time. They define tramp as a person who roves for begging purposes and a vagrant as an idle person who is able-bodied living without labor. It's a $50 fine. I guess the tramp would have to beg for the money to pay the fine. -Park Rule 6
  • It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.
  • It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.
  • It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
  • It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898)

    Baltimore City


  • You may not curse inside the city limits.
  • Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.

    Columbia


  • Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
  • You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.

    Ocean City


  • Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
  • A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 5.60/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

    Do the dishes

    This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.

    The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

    After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to take her home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house.

    Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

    After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long 15 minutes the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the girl in front of her family. No one says a word.

    Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.

    By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

    And the father shouts, 'Okay damn it, I'll do the dishes.'

    #joke
    Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
    • Currently 3.70/10

    Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

    Lewis Black: All the Candy Corn Ever Made

    The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America thats never been advertised. And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
    #joke #short #halloween
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 5.78/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (23)

    Divorce Letter

    Dear Wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good…!!! I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

    Dear Ex-Husband:

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99… After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

    Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

    #joke #lawyer
    Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
    • Currently 5.12/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (42)

    "President Bush is taking...

    "President Bush is taking the entire month of August off. Bush said today he thinks it is important for a president to spend time away from Washington. Or at least that's what Dick Cheney told him." -- Jay Leno
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 June 2010
    • Currently 4.38/10

    Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

    At NC State University, the...

    At NC State University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry.

    They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

    These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time. However, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Raleigh until early Monday morning.

    Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

    They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to return Sunday to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldnÂ’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: For 95 points: Which tire?

    #joke #monday
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 December 2009
    • Currently 5.84/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (38)

    TEACHER: What do you call a pe...

    TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
    interested?
    PUPILS: A teacher.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 October 2009
    • Currently 3.14/10

    Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

    Q. Why is it so hard for women...

    Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
    • Currently 4.79/10

    Rating: 4.8/10 (56)

    leather jacket

    What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?

    A rebel without a clue!

    #joke #short #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 October 2008
    • Currently 6.44/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

    A pilot landed a plane with a ...

    A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 October 2010
    • Currently 3.78/10

    Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

    A man visiting a graveyard saw...

    A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
    “How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”
    #joke #short #lawyer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
    • Currently 4.88/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

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