Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 November 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 09 November 2011
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (57)

Funny jokes-Insurance and Sales representatives

An insurance rep, a sales assistant and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an old oil lamp.
The rep rubs off some of the grime and a genie comes out in a cloud of smoke. The Genie says, "I only grant 3 wishes, so I will grant one for each of you."
"Dips on the first one!” says the sales assistant. "I relax on a beach in maui, with an endless supply of Sailor Jerry, without a care in the world." All of the sudden there is a poof and a cloud of smoke and the assistant is gone.
The sales rep is amazed and steps up to go next. "I want to be transported to bora bora with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Instantly the sale rep is gone.
The genie then turns to the manager and says "You're next.”
The manager thinks for a moment and then says, "I want both of them back in the office by noon."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

One day a little girl was sitt...

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Cashier sped as light

Cashier sped as light - Like Boss! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Contrary to popular belief, th...

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (12)

Eminem owns two pipelines in C...

Eminem owns two pipelines in Central Asia:
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - After 12: Her Wrinkles Look Kinda Suspicious

After 12: Her Wrinkles Look Kinda Suspicious | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

One day a little girl was sitt...

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

I told my girlfriend last nigh...

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again.

I asked her why she would say that, and she said, "Because I'm your father."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Find number abc

If 8a468 - 581ac = bb35c find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A man is like a fine wine....

He starts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Knock Knock Collection 100


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet'or in a drum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Japan!
Japan who!
Japan is too hot, ouch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jean!
Jean who?
Jeanius - you just don't recognise it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jenny!
Jenny who?
Jennymen prefer blondes!

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

College Pride

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweat shirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweat shirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good…!!! I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99… After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (46)

Jim Gaffigan: Easier for Attractive People

Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and theyre attractive, you think, Oh, theyre nice, but if a strangers ugly, youre like, What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 3.79/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

A professor of chemistry wante...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (54)

Bloopers from Sunday School Students

  • The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  • Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
  • It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

    #joke
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 April 2009
    • Currently 5.38/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

    Three sons left home, went out...

    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
    The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
    The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
    The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
    Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
    "Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
    "But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 November 2009
    • Currently 6.18/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (60)

    Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate

    I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 November 2010
    • Currently 4.13/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

    At a party, a guy approached a...

    At a party, a guy approached a girl and whispered something in her ear.

    "You filthy pervert!!" she shrieked. "What makes you think I'd let you do a thing like that to me?"

    Then her eyes narrowed and she said, "Unless you're the son-of-a-bitch that stole my diary!"
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 November 2008
    • Currently 4.73/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

    Blonde Game

    A blonde is on a plane sleeping when the guy next to her

    says, "Let's play a game." She looks at him and tells him the

    she doesn't want to and she just wants to sleep, but he keeps

    bugging her until she agrees.

    He tells her that he will ask her a question and if she

    can't answer, she owes him $5.00, then she asks him a

    question and if he can't answer, he owes her $50.00. So he

    asks, "Who was the last person to sign the Declaration of

    Independence?"

    She quietly hands over a $5 bill. She asks, "What goes up a

    hill with 4 legs and down with 5? He has no idea so he gives

    up and gives her $50.

    The blonde turns back around and goes back to sleep.

    Not 2 seconds later, he wakes her back up and asks, "What

    was the answer?"

    Quietly, she reaches into her purse and gives the guy a

    $5.00 bill.

    #joke #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 November 2010
    • Currently 2.40/10

    Rating: 2.4/10 (10)

    Is There a Doctor in the House?

    The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

    "Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house does not make doctor calls."

    #joke #short #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 November 2008
    • Currently 4.88/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

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