Jokes of the day for Saturday, 10 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 10 December 2011
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (70)

Lady, this vacuum cleaner will...

Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your work in half.

Good. I’ll take two of them.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.64/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (11)

Gifts For A Teacher #joke #humor

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder.
The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 2.42/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (12)

Funny video of the day - High Chair Bicycle

High Chair Bicycle - Need a ladder to get off it. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Celebrity jokes-Hit with a guitar

Q: What do call it when Eric Clapton hits your car with his guitar?
A: A FENDER BENDER!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

In a fight between Batman and ...

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (26)

Was Helen Keller born without ...

Was Helen Keller born without hearing? Deaf innately not.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

This was one of my dad's favor...

This was one of my dad's favorite jokes:
Emmitt Smith died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter was waiting for him and issued Emmitt an invitation to play for the HFL- the heaven football league. Emmitt thought about it for a minute and said, "Sure!"
As they walked out to the field, there was a game in progress. Emmitt was stunned. There were a lot of ex-NFL players out on that field. But what he found to be strange was that the jerseys didn't have any numbers. Instead they had letters on them. So he turned around and questioned St. Peter about the numbers. St. Peter chuckled and told him, "Up here we don't need numbers. The letters stand for the position they are playing, QB is for quarterback, WR is for wide receiver and so on." Emmitt smile and nodded his head. But as he gazed around the sidelines, he got a perplexed look on his face. On the other side of the field, there was a man wearing a jersey that had the letters TL. "St. Peter, as you know, I played football many years with the Dallas Cowboys and I am familiar with all the positions. But in all my years I have never seen the position of TL." St. Peter laughed and said, "Oh yeah, I forgot. That's just God, he likes to pretend that he is Tom Landry."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Aries Spears: Not a Millionaire

Im at a very frustrating point in my career because Im not a millionaire. Like, people assume because youre in movies or TV, youre rich. Im not rich, but Im far from broke. Im what you call a thousandaire.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (13)

English School

Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.

“Mother,” he replied, “they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”

“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?”

“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (36)

Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (27)

A sweet little boy surprised h...

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 October 2009
  • Currently 5.28/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 April 2009
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (27)

Paper shredder...

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 January 2009
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

Blonde

How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 October 2008
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (26)

A man phones home from his off...

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (49)

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun does not mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun does not take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun does not ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A gun does not mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman...
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2009
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Blonde Smoker

Q: How did the blonde put out her cigarette?
A: She threw it in the water and stepped on it.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2009
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes Archive