Jokes of the day for Saturday, 24 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 24 December 2011
  • Currently 9.65/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (102)

You see a gorgeous girl at a p...

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.


You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Christmas jokes-Jolly

Q. Why is Santa Claus always so jolly?
A. Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Pacman Frog catch some touch screen bugs.

Pacman Frog catch some touch screen bugs. - WATCH UNTIL THE END - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Chuck Norris only has one hand...

Chuck Norris only has one hand. The upper hand.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (12)

My friend speared a midget in ...

My friend speared a midget in the eye with her new boobs. I guess that's what happens with imp-lants.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - All Babies Are Cute… Nevermind

All Babies Are Cute… Nevermind | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

You see a gorgeous girl at a p...

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.


You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Fishing License

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.

A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all

have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.

"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.

"What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Find number abc

If ba718 + a1b0c = 540a4 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (31)

Marc Maron: Jesus at the Mall

I generally grow this beard out around Christmas. Then, I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and what I do is generally walk through the mall, just saying, No, no, this wasnt what it was supposed to be about, people. But if theres a Santa at the mall, Ill walk right up to him and Ill go, Listen, fat man, youre just a clown at my birthday party.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 December 2010
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Christmas Eve Accident

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (20)

There was a man walking alone ...

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 November 2009
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (62)

A little girl walks into a pet...

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2009
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

A blonde and a redhead met in ...

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (41)

Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping

I tried to go Christmas shopping last year, but I didnt have no money. I just went window-shopping with a brick.
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 December 2010
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (22)

Christmas Eve Accident

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (20)

An engineer dies and reports t...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 December 2010
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

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