Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 28 December 2011
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (138)

What's the difference between ...

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has its claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Funny New Year jokes-One person who makes life worth living

On New Year's Eve, Ann stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
#joke #newyear
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - FAIL Compilation 2011 || Best Fails of the Year || Funny!

FAIL Compilation 2011 || Best Fails of the Year || Funny! - End of the year - yet another fail compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (7)

Chuck Norris once kicked a hor...

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

Electric cars are silent by de...

Electric cars are silent by deaf ignition.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Watch Carefully

Watch Carefully - it is not what you think | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

With high-definition TV everyt...

With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

Questions for Mommy...

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded,"Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the line of questioning, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about the conversation she had with her mother. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Wow! Big Box

A lady was laying on the doctor's table, waiting for her annual pap test. The doctor came in, and as he was preparing himself, she mentioned that she had 6 kids. He said "Yeah, I can tell....You have the biggest box I have ever seen". She was offended as hell, and after she got home, she went into the bathroom, and took the mirror off the wall, and laid it on the floor so she could have a look for herself. As she squatted over the mirror, her husband walked in and saw her. He asked her what she was doing. She said "I am doing my exercizes. He said " Well, be careful. Don't fall into that f*cking hole"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (11)

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (31)

A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die…

He waits for a long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks: "Why could that taxi driver go to the highest level of heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?"
St. Peter replies: "When you were speaking to the people at your church, everybody was sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, everybody prayed!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 May 2011
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (11)

There was this guy who went to...

There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled.

First off the dentist said, "I'll give you a shot to numb your jaw."

But the guy said, "No, please don't do that, I'm afraid of needles."

The dentist said, "OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep."

However the guy said, "Nope, I'm allergic to the gas."

So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I'll go look for something else."

After awhile he came back with a couple of pills.

The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?"

The dentist said, "Viagra."

The guy said, "WHAT! Why these?"

The dentist said, "They won't help the pain, but they'll give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2011
  • Currently 5.58/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (12)

Brian Regan: Einstein

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, its an insult? You dont know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein. I dont think were honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 May 2010
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (32)

A lady is walking down the str...

A lady is walking down the street to work and see's a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager appologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "hey lady."
She paused and said," yes?"
The bird said, "you know."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 November 2009
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (53)

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teach...

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home!" She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 December 2009
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (40)

A Joke for Kids

Q: Why was Adam a famous runner?

A: Because he was first in the human race.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 December 2010
  • Currently 3.69/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (26)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

... Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 December 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

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