Jokes of the day for Thursday, 29 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 29 December 2011
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (99)

A spokesperson for the U.S. Mi...

A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots.

On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale.

Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the spokesman replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call.... 'Ted's or Hale's'."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (7)

Funny New Year jokes-Quit smoking

Dave, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Kevin, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Kevin responds.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Dave with a grin.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'Phase one?' wonders Kevin.
'Yeah,' laughs Dave, 'I've quit buying.'
#joke #newyear
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Something my dog does when wearing pants

Something my dog does when wearing pants - Do not try this at home - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Chuck Norris originally appear...

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Chuck replied, "That's no glitch."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (19)

Australian bestiality porn is ...

Australian bestiality porn is known for its high koala titty production values. Some titles include Out back and the Tasmanal Devil.  You won't roo your purchase. Watch as much as you Canberra, dingo emus yourself. If you haven't Adelaide in a while, don't worry. You'll meet a lover with a new zeal and zest.
#joke
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Failbook: A Comedy of Errors

Failbook: A Comedy of Errors | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

Shut Up and Trouble were walki...

Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.84/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (19)

An amazing talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

Calculate the number 905

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 905 using numbers [7, 2, 4, 3, 46, 820] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Whitney Cummings: Naked Photo Texts

I have girlfriends who will text message naked photos of themselves to their man. Which, I guess the whole point of that is, to be like, Heres whats waiting for you at home, big boy. If I was to do a heres whats waiting for you at home photo shoot, I would take some pictures of the frigging dishes, the bills right now. My vaginas not waiting for you at home at all.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (44)

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (31)

A Silent Bomb in Church

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member eyesoftheworld

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 March 2010
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (48)

Once there was a man with an e...

Once there was a man with an extremely large penis, but, unfortunately, he also had a terrible stuttering problem, so he could never get a girlfriend. So he went to the doctor one day and said to him that he wanted something done about his stutter. The doctor replied that he would have to take off his penis to relieve him of the stutter. After a while the man agreed and had his penis removed.

After the operation he was a smooth talker, but now he couldn't get laid because he had no penis. So he returned to the doctor and tells him he would like to have his penis back, because he has a better chance of getting laid with a stutter than with no penis.

The doctor replies, "S-s-sorry s-s-sir, b-b-but I c-c-can't d-d-do th-th-that."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 March 2010
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (33)

A burglar broke into a house o...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses," the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"
The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (62)

Shhhhh....

A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Darn it woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2009
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

It seems a farm boy accide...

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Wilmer!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you," Wilmer answered. "But I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on." the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

Wilmer replied, "Under the wagon."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (50)

The chicken or the egg?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Arj Barker: Walking Shoes

Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. Everybody get outta here! Theres a swarm of bees coming! What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 December 2010
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (12)

Give Me The News, Doc...

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

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