Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 04 January 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 04 January 2012
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (97)

Be rady for Thanksgiving, check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes of 2021 on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so...

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

He said, “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds.”

When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor told him. “You did this just by following my instructions?”

The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean.”

“No,” replied Mr. Johnson, “from skipping.”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 7.21/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (29)

Good jokes-Attitude toward whisky

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'
#joke #newyear
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Drink Machine WIN

Drink Machine WIN - Wher can I find it? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Industrial logging isn't the c...

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.72/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (29)

How do epic poets hijack a shi...

How do epic poets hijack a ship? “Prepare to be bored dead.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Melon Head

Melon Head | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (10)

A young bride tells her friend...

A young bride tells her friend, “Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”
“ What a shame! And after all the time you’ve been engaged!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

The teacher was telling the cl...

The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word "dog" in front of them: dogrose, dogwood, dog violet. She asked the class if they could name another flower with the prefix "dog."

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, Miss Jones, a 'collie'flower!"
#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Find the missing number

Find the missing number.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Kirk Fox: Defibrillator

Youve got seconds to live, and whoever invented this thing gave it five syllables. Doesnt that kind of defeat the purpose of a rush job? ... Shouldnt they at least call it defibrillnow?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (27)

Growing penis

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.

But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked.

"Crutches???" the doctor asked.

"Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (47)

Two hikers were walking throug...

Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground. They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine. Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first hiker picked up a nearby rock and tossed it into the opening. They listened... and heard nothing.
The second hiker picked up an even larger rock and tossed it into the opening. They listened... and still heard nothing. Then they both picked up an old railroad tie, dragged it to the edge of the shaft, and hurled it down. Seconds later a dog came running up between the two men and jumped straight into the hole. Bewildered, the two men just looked at each other, trying to figure out why a dog would do such a thing.
Soon a young boy ambled onto the scene and asked if either man had seen a dog around here. The hikers told him about the dog that had just jumped into the hole.
The young boy laughed and said, "That couldn't be my dog. My dog was tied to a railroad tie!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 November 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (56)

Sunday School Money

A small boy stunned his parents after Sunday School when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?"
"At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 September 2009
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Where Do You Want to Go?

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven!" they all piped up.

"And what do you have to do to get there?"

They said, "Be dead!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 January 2009
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A young man wanted to get his ...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 January 2010
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (58)

Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 January 2011
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (29)

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 January 2009
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (28)

Chicken

guesse what?....... chicken butt
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 January 2009
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (19)

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