Jokes of the day for Monday, 16 January 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 16 January 2012
  • Currently 9.65/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (65)

Short funny jokes-Crash diet

Prince Charles went on a crash diet for the wedding : In just 14 days he lost exactly two weeks.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Before going to Europe on busi...

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral.

"Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says.

The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back.

"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says.

The man writes out a check and starts to walk away.

"Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"

The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Car push FAIL

Car push FAIL - went bad - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

Chuck Norris can actually brea...

Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (10)

Where can you get deals on mus...

Where can you get deals on mustard? Groupoupon.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - You Gotta Start Early If You Want to Succeed

You Gotta Start Early If You Want to Succeed | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Masturbation Contest

Who's the world's greatest athlete? The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (26)

Tony Rock: Alcohol Is a Drug

I love alcohol, man. Some people call alcohol a drug, too. Some people say that, Alcohols a drug. Not me, I call it a vitamin. Cause whatever your deficiency is, alcohol will treat it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (30)

Decrypt hidden message

Can you decrypt hidden message (1234 5612 7 89A4 92 7A4B937)?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.34/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (38)

Two men went bear hunting. Whi...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 June 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (28)

Before going to Europe on busi...

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 June 2010
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Why was the Blonde fired from ...

Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's!
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 December 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (48)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"CAUTION: Non-exposure to the Son will cause burning!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 September 2009
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

Bush meets Moses

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.

The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (24)

Tony Rock: Whole Other Level

Heres a tip for all the weed smokers in the room. If youre going to smoke, always smoke with your fat friends -- the fatter the better. Cause your fat friends will take the munchies to a whole other level. Your fat friends are like, Damn, potato chips? Im gonna go bake a cake.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 January 2011
  • Currently 2.90/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (21)

Physics...

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 January 2009
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

One day, shortly after having ...

One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest.

He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?"

"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air."

"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2010
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

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