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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 21 January 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 21 January 2012
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (57)

Hilarious jokes-Roustabout

Two aerialists are up checking their rigging looking down on a roustabout who is setting up the lion tamer's cage. They are wondering how much brain you need to do that kind of work. So one performer gets a c-wrench and drops it on the worker's head. He loses half his brain, but keeps on doing the job. So the other aerialist gets a c-wrench and drops it down on the roustabout, until there is only a quarter of his brain left, but he goes on assembling the cage. The first flier drops an iron bar on the poor guy's head and he only has one brain cell left.
Immediately, the roustabout drops all his tools, walks over to the microphone and goes "Ladeeeees and Gentlemen and Children of Aaaaall Ages…!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Why did Mickey Mouse go to spa...

Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?

To visit Pluto!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Americas Funniest Home Videos part13

Americas Funniest Home Videos part13 - Funny videos compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Chiquita: A w...

Chiquita: A woman's favourite banana.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

A lawyer runs a stop sign and ...

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and regist ration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket,if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
#joke #lawyer
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - After 12: LMAFluO

After 12: LMAFluO | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 7.83/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (6)

Old lover

At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it, Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?"

Submitted by axelwang

Edited by Curtis

#joke
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (11)

JB Smoove: Sound System

I did a club one night -- the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (28)

CINEMANIA: From which movie is this scene?

CINEMANIA: From which movie is this scene?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (43)

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of...

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2011
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (41)

Why did Mickey Mouse go to spa...

Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? ..................... To visit Pluto
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 June 2010
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (12)

A Birthday Wish

Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."
Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 June 2010
  • Currently 5.12/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (49)

A married couple were asleep w...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2009
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (67)

Can you spell that?

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."

The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"

Little Johnny thought for a few seconds and said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 February 2009
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (20)

Church Sign Chuckles

Some favorite messages spotted on church signs or billboards, submitted by Beliefnet members:
-Fire Insurance Inside
-This Church Is Prayer Conditioned
-God Answers Knee Mail
-PRAY NOW! Avoid Christmas Rush!
-Sign broken, come inside for message
-This is a ch--ch. What's missing? U R!
-Stop in the name of love and meet the Supreme
-Wal-Mart's not the only savings place
-The best position is on your knees!

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 January 2010
  • Currently 6.16/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (32)

More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes And Blunders


"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996


"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
-- Vice President Al Gore
(Ed note. Hmmmm, anyone in particular come to mind?)


"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
-- Al Gore


"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."
-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 January 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (32)

Insane Asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another inmate asked, "How do you know?" "God told me!" A voice from another room suddenly shouted, "I did not!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 January 2009
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (10)

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