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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, January the 31st 2012
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The Parts Are Still There, They Just Need Some Fastening |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : There I fixed it
- photos of ur handiwork!
- - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 7.0/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Dov Davidoff: Starbucks Service |
| I said, Thats the wrong drink. And he said, Sorry, dude, Im tired. And I was like, Have a frickin coffee, man. Thats why Im here. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.1/10 (7 votes cast) |
20 YEAR DREAM
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.
She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?"
"For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer," he explained, "and today I finally did it!"
The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done.
"You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to the pickle slicer?"
"Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Do Cats Go to Heaven?
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A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.1/10 (10 votes cast) |
An attorney, anxious to impress the judge with the detail, asked the following line of questions of a doctor who had recently performed an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
| How can you detect a lie? Use telephony. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys! - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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And The Fairy Said…. |
| A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. “Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.” said the wife.
The fairy moved her magic stick and – abracadabra! – two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish… So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! – the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: “Fairies are female.” |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.4/10 (15 votes cast) |
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet.....
so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.6/10 (34 votes cast) |
| The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes his shrimp salty. |
Permalink | Source : Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.3/10 (7 votes cast) |
An elderly woman was brought to the ER with a fractured hip.
The ER doctor knew that surgery would be in order for the patient.
Have you ever undergone surgery? he asked.
Yes, the woman said.
Remember what type of surgery was it?
Im not sure, the old lady said. It was a long time ago.
The physician noticed a scar on the right side of the womans abdomen. He pointed to the scar. Is this where you had the surgery? he asked.
No, said the woman. It was in Brooklyn.
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Permalink | Source : MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Hilarious jokes-Dog in Movie Theater |
Following a woman with a dog out of the movie theater, a man stopped her and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I was amazed that your dog seemed to get into the
movie so much. He cried at the right spots, moved nervously at the boring spots, and laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find that unusual?"
"Yes," she replied. "I find it very unusual. Especially considering that he hated the book!"
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Permalink | Source : Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
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