Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 19 March 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 19 March 2012

Funny jokes-Flipping coin

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Pete and Larry had not seen ea...

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

"Great. Where do you live?"

"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

"Good. But tell me... what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #25 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Converting to Hinduism has ...

Converting to Hinduism has dharmatic consequences.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Drinking at 160km/h

Drinking at 160km/h - Not good Idea - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (9)

It was the firs day of school,...

It was the firs day of school, and the first grade teacher decided to see how much her students knew about math.
“Steven, can you tell me what is 3 and 2?” Steven said, “That’s when you should watch very, very carefully before you swing at the next pitch.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Music FAILS: Soundtrack to Your Post-Apocalyptic Life

Music FAILS: Soundtrack to Your Post-Apocalyptic Life | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Clinton and the Pope die on th...

Clinton and the Pope die on the same day. There is a mix up on the paper work and Clinton is sent to heaven and the Pope is sent to hell. After arriving the pope tells the hell administrators about the problem and it is acknowledged, but he says it will take 24 hours to make the exchange. On the way up to heaven Clinton and The Pope meet.

Pope: Oh finally I'm in heaven. I've been waiting for this my whole life.

Clinton: Waiting for what???

Pope: I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary my whole life.

Clinton: I think you're too late.
#joke
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"4 cents," replies the bartender.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by calamjo

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

Letter to Company

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked smiling.

“Next time,” he replied. “I'm writing to General Motors!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (35)

Paul Varghese: Knock Knock Joke

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.02/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (41)

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a...

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 December 2011
  • Currently 6.16/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (19)

There was a man walking alone ...

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 November 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (77)

Some new vocabulary

arachnoleptic fit, noun:
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug, noun:
Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

bozone, noun:
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future.

cashtration, noun:
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

caterpallor, noun:
The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

dopelar effect, noun:
(1) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
(2) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

extraterrestaurant, noun:
An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ETry.

foreploy, noun:
Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.

Grantartica, noun:
The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.

intaxication, noun:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

kinstirpation, noun:
A painful inability to get rid of relatives who come to visit.

lullabuoy, noun:
An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 April 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (13)

A Silent Bomb in Church

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member eyesoftheworld

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 March 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (67)

Looking for a Lumberjack...

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Sure, that's what they call it NOW!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 6.70/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (43)

A pregnant woman went to the g...

A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked that was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard."

Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?"

"Yes" quite innocently came her reply.

"Undress so I can check" replied the still amazed doc.

So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer.

After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure as hell is contagious!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (43)

One Day the Devil challenged t...

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (17)

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

f you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 March 2010
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.