Jokes of the day for Monday, 09 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 09 April 2012
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (66)

During a dinner party, the hos...

During a dinner party, the host's two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (8)

Funny jokes-Laws of Education

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Le Zap funny compilation

Le Zap funny compilation - Funny clips compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Sheng Wang: Eating a Pomegranate

I ate a pomegranate; that is a magical fruit. Its like juice corn. Its like God got stoned one day, and he was like, You know what, Im going to put some fruit juice inside these kernels. Lets do that. But Im not going to put it on the cob; Im going to shove it up this fat, dirty radish.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.93/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

Dumb Instructions

“Warning: May contain nuts.” — On a package of peanuts.

“Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

“Access hole only — not intended for use in lifting box.” — On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

“Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

“Do not use orally after using rectally.” — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

“Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.

“Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.

“Please remove before driving.” — On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

“Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

“Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.

“For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.

“Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.

“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.

“Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.” — On a battery.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (33)

Funny Photo of the day - Music FAILS: Death to Green Metal

Music FAILS: Death to Green Metal | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (6)

If you can see Chuck Norris, h...

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 2.90/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (39)

A Letter Addressed to God

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?" The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300.A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: "Next time would you send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 September 2010
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (18)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

Film was made in 1959.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Computer Problem Report Form

Describe your problem:

Now, describe the problem accurately:

Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

Problem Severity:

A. Minor

B. Minor

C. Minor

D. Trivial

Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up

B. Frozen

C. Hung

D. Shot

Is your computer plugged in? Yes No

Is it turned on? Yes No

Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes No

Have you made it worse? Yes

Have you read the manual? Yes No

Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes No

Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No

Do you think you understood it? Yes No

If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?

How tall are you? Are you above this line?

What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.

Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes No

How does this problem make you feel?

Tell me about your childhood

Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes No

Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 June 2010
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (34)

During a dinner party, the hos...

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 March 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

An old man was sitting on a be...

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes. The old man kept looking at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 December 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (71)

New secretary...

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2009
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

A man in a hot air balloon rea...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,” Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 April 2010
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (39)

Kevin Hart: No Longer Safe

Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. Thats scary as hell because thats her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 April 2010
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (38)

Answering Machine Message 24


Computer generated voices:
1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!
1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...
2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!
1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.
2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 April 2010
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (34)

Jokes Archive

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