Jokes of the day for Thursday, 12 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 12 April 2012
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (83)

A college's student body is co...

A college's student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college.

Lo and behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league. All this success is due to one amazing player - a cross between Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.

This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide media attention. The student body is thrilled.

Now, the NCAA goes to the college and asks for proof of this player's academic eligibility. The college administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works night and day coaching the student for the crucial test.

The day of the public examination arrives, and the entire student body is there to support their star player. A professor stands and announces the first question, "How much is five and two?" The student frowns in deep concentration - he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer, "SEVEN."

The entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (9)

Really funny jokes-Great fathers

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Like a Bus

Like a Bus - Skilled driver - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

A young man studying in a coll...

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Borrowing A Mule

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down.

He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule.

The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say "Thank the Lord!" to make it go and "Amen!" to make it stop.

So the man said, "Thank the Lord, thank the Lord and thank the Lord!" and the mule took off! He was coming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop.

Finally, at the very edge he remembered, "Amen!" The guy was so relieved he shouted, "Thank the Lord!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (22)

Funny Photo of the day - Performing on the Dance Floor

Performing on the Dance Floor | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Demetri Martin: Power Nap

A power nap is when you sleep on someone whos weaker than you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.12/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (17)

Dumb Instructions

“Warning: May contain nuts.” — On a package of peanuts.

“Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

“Access hole only — not intended for use in lifting box.” — On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

“Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

“Do not use orally after using rectally.” — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

“Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.

“Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.

“Please remove before driving.” — On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

“Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

“Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.

“For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.

“Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.

“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.

“Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.” — On a battery.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (30)

Find number abc

If a1b3b + 2c8bc = 7883a find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Everybody loves Raymond. Excep...

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 September 2011
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (31)

The Atheist And The Loch Ness Monster

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 August 2010
  • Currently 2.72/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (18)

One day an engineer dies.He wa...

One day an engineer dies.He was kind that built lots of things, like air conditioners.When he went to heaven he met God. God says "Go to hell, you're not on my list."
So after going 30,255,391 stairs to hell, he lets the devil know who he is and so the devil says "Hey, come on in!"
In hell the engineer built airplanes, buildings, cars, etc. God sees this and says "Hey devil, you know that engineer guy. He needs to come back to heaven."
The devil says "Are you crazy, I'm not gonna let you have him." To which God says "If you dont let me have him, I'll sue."
Devil says "You can't sue! You dont even have lawyers up there!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 December 2009
  • Currently 4.51/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (63)

12 shots....

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy answers, "75 cents."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 May 2009
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.
The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"
The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"
The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (34)

Facts of life...

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2009
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (23)

An elderly woman walked into t...

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. “No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 April 2010
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (9)

A Hillbilly was involved in an...

A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2009
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

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