Jokes of the day for Sunday, 15 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 15 April 2012
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (64)

An elderly couple was in bed o...

An elderly couple was in bed one night, and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong.

She said, "I had a dream that I died, and you got remarried." She asked him, "if I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?" He said, "Sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely."

Then she asked, "Well would you two live in this house?" He replied, "Sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage."

She asked again, angry now, "Well would she sleep in this bed?"

He snickered and said, "Yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive; there's no reason to rid of it."

She asked irately, "Well, would she use my golf clubs?" He replied with a straight, serious face, "No. She's left handed."

#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Shows up

A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls it over a beautiful woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her the breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit, so the trooper says, “Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Crazy WINS Compilation

Crazy WINS Compilation - Crasy funny wins - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

Really funny jokes-Native language

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.
"Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist.
"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"
He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"
The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"
He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"
The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!"
"You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"
"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

If you fire someone arbitraril...

If you fire someone arbitrarily, then it's just cuz.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Ugliest Tattoos: Tattoo WIN: Family Adventure Time!

Ugliest Tattoos: Tattoo WIN: Family Adventure Time! | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

An elderly couple was in bed o...

An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong. She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." she asked him "if I died tomorrow would you get remarried?" he said "sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely." then she asked "well would you two live in this house?" he replied "sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage." she asked again, angry now "well would she sleep in this bed?" he snickered and said "yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it." she asked irately, "well would she use my golf clubs?" he replied with a straight, serious face "no. She's left handed."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Chuck Norris has to use a stun...

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 July 2011
  • Currently 3.39/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (33)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (2, 4, 6, 13, 25, 27, 36, 56, 58, 67, 70) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Dane Cook: By a Round of Applause

Comedy crowds -- we always want to come out and ask you, How you feeling? We always say that, By a round of applause, how do you feel? Right? By a round of applause, how you feeling? Its the only place in the world that you judge how youre feeling by a round of applause... Theres never like a car accident, people all over the ground, people running over -- Maam! Maam! By a round of applause, how do you feel? By a round of applause -- shes not clapping!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 July 2010
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (36)

What Would Jesus Drive?

Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 March 2010
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (25)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (57)

Forgetful...

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 May 2009
  • Currently 5.72/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (18)

Chuck Norris has an ongoing fe...

Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 April 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (40)

Undercover Clergy

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 April 2009
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (39)

We want to strike Acco...

We want to strike Accord with anyone who's ever crashed their Honda.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 April 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (18)

Silver lining...

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The Doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

The husband then donated some of his skin ..... however, the only place suitable to the Doctor was from his buttocks.

The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before!

All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.

She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!"

He replied, "Oh, don't worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your Mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 April 2009
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (11)

Getting a Third Opinion

A man is walking his dog when the dog suddenly drops dead.

He rushes the dog to the vet and says, "Doc, you have to help

my dog. He has been with me for 15 years and is so special to

me!"

The vet examines the dog and tells the owner that his dog is

dead.

"I want a second opinion!"

So the vet goes in the back and brings out a labrador

retriever.

The labrador jumps up on the table and starts licking the

dog. There is no movement.

The vet says, "Your dog is dead."

"I want a third opinion!"

The vet goes in the back and brings out a cat. The cat

jumps up on the table and starts scratching and mauling the

dog. Still the dog doesn't move.

The man says, "Doc, I guess you are right. How much do I owe

you?"

"480 dollars."

"480 dollars! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!"

"No, that's only 80 dollars. The other 400 is for the lab

work and a cat scan!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 April 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (11)

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