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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 18 April 2012
  • Currently 9.46/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (48)

Have a great time for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes of 2022 on: Christmas jokes collection

One day the bass player hid on...

One day the bass player hid one of the drummer’s sticks.

The drummer said, “Finally! After being a drummer for so long, now I am a conductor!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Mom's Time Out

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.

One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her.

“Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I'd love to!”

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed.

His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails Of The Week 2 April 2012

Best Fails Of The Week 2 April 2012 - Funny video sompilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

Doctor jokes-Duck analysis

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

I went to Cuba–and now I...

I went to Cuba–and now I'm cigared for life.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - A Little Tender

A Little Tender | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Tom Rhodes: Always the Negative Side

In America, all you ever get is the negative side of drinking: He got drunk and killed a busload of children. Come on, man. Its time someone pointed out the good in alcohol. Drinking creates conversation, right? You gotta call people the next day and apologize to em.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (10)

Redneck quickies 6

You might be a Redneck if...

Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You picked your teeth from a catalog.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

#joke
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Ninjas want to grow up to be j...

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 August 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

If College Students Wrote The Bible

The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food. Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 June 2010
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

One day a genie appeared to a ...

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.
the man said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime"
The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"
The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".
The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 April 2010
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

A man phones home from his off...

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2009
  • Currently 6.41/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (59)

Actual newspaper headlines....

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Chuck Norris can make Batman c...

Chuck Norris can make Batman cry.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 April 2011
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (47)

Converting a Bear

A rabbi, priest, and a preacher meet every Monday in a coffee shop to talk things over about their spiritual life.
One day, the priest makes a bet with the other guys that he could convert a bear in the woods over to his religion. The others nod and say "Yeah, I'll bet we could do it quicker than you could!"
So they all agree that the next time they meet, they'll share stories about how they were able to convert a bear.
They all end up in the hospital, but the priest is in the best shape of all of them. They decide to meet in the rabbi's room. The priest has his arm in a sling and says, "Yeah, it was tough at first, but I was able to dash it with some holy water. The next thing I know, it started saying Hail Mary. He's coming to mass this Sunday."
The other two clergymen nod in approval, and the preacher goes next. The preacher is in pretty bad shape. He's in a wheel chair, and he has a concussion, a broken leg, and a broken arm. He says "Well, when I finally happened upon it, I wrestled that thing to the ground and started beating its head with a Bible. So he lunges at me and we tumble down this hill into the river where I dunked him seven times. Finally, he came to the faith. He'll be coming to church next Sunday."
Both men turn to the rabbi to hear his story. The rabbi looks like he got the worst of it. He's in a body cast and there's no way he's getting out of bed any time soon. He looks at both men and says "Well, I probably should've started with something different than circumcision...."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member ShinwaNate

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 April 2011
  • Currently 7.24/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (45)

Would you watch my car?

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"

"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?"

"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 April 2009
  • Currently 6.34/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (32)

Ideas About Science


The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. [this guy is going to do well in college! *haha* ...Lj]
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.
Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 April 2009
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (26)

ATTORNEY: Were you present wh...

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 April 2009
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (16)

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