Jokes of the day for Friday, 04 May 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 04 May 2012
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (60)

A young man at this constructi...

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workers. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Golfing Challenge

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.

“What's wrong?” a woman asked.

“I just lost a game to Houlihan,” the pro said.

“What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?”

“He tricked me,” the pro said. “On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes- any handicap he wanted.

He said, ‘Just give me two gotchas.”

“What's a gotcha?” asked the woman. “That's what I wanted to know,” the pro said. “Houlihan said, ‘You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out ‘Gotcha!'”

“I can guess what happened,” the woman said.

“Sure,” the pro said. “The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely.”

“Understandable,” the woman said. “But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?”

The pro answered, “You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second ‘gotcha!'”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Rider of the Year II Preview

Rider of the Year II Preview - The best in whitewater kayaking from around the world - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.43/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (7)

Really funny jokes-If you can understand it

Do you know Psychology is actually Biology.
Do you know Biology is actually Chemistry.
Do you know Chemistry is actually Physics.
Do you know Physics is actually Math.
If you understand it and able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Mathematics.
If you understand it, but unable to prove it, then publish in a periodical/magazine of Physics.
If you cannot understand it, but are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Economics.
If you can neither understand it nor are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Psychology.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

I lost five pounds just by far...

I lost five pounds just by farting. Finally I see the air of my weighs.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Cold Coke

Cold Coke - Just right | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Osama Bin Laden'

One day Osama Bin Laden is thinking: What should I blow up first? Then Osama Bin Laden said: "I have decided! bring the servent girl and tell her to get on her kneesand tell her to sacrifice her self!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.43/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (44)

Todd Barry: Book Lights

They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (79)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Since 1940, the year Chuck Nor...

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 3.69/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (13)

A young man at this constructi...

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 
"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back." 
"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got." 
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 September 2010
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (30)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 5.74/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (38)

A young blonde was on vacation...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 December 2009
  • Currently 6.54/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (61)

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those new sports cars."

"She did," he replied, "but where the heck was I going to find a fake convertible?"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2009
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

The ocean was once fresh water...

The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes his shrimp salty.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 May 2011
  • Currently 4.39/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (28)

An engineer dies and reports t...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there, send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 May 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (26)

Forgetful...

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 May 2009
  • Currently 5.72/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (18)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Life isn't too short. It's the longest thing anyone will ever do."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 May 2009
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Two cannibals

There are two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and says, 'Does this taste funny to you?!'

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 May 2010
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

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