Jokes of the day for Thursday, 10 May 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 10 May 2012
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (85)

Hilarious jokes-Razorback hogs

President Obama was back in Washington DC after a tour and as he got down from the helicopter in front of the White House, his staff noticed he was carrying 2 baby piglets, one under each arm.
The alert security guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, Sir."
Obama replies, "You are mistaking them for pigs. These are genuine Razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the other for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The security guard salutes, and comments: "Brilliant trade, sir."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

A plane was taking off from Ke...

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Fail compilation april 2012 TNL

Fail compilation april 2012 TNL - Fail compilation by choice of TNL Aprili 2012 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Golf Meditations

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

Rainbows are what happens when...

Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.19/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (26)

Funny Photo of the day - Real mans suit

Real mans suit - No like Lady Gaga | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

The sodomite's preferred...

The sodomite's preferred way to die? A noose.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

A plane was taking off from Ke...

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

MATH PUZZLE: Can you replace...

MATH PUZZLE: Can you replace the question mark with a number?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Steven Wright 21

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What do batteries run on?

Are there any questions?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.

[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (24)

Todd Barry: Book Lights

They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (78)

The Dyslexic Rabbi

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying "Yo."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 February 2012
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (25)

A guy is sitting at a bar ...

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!!!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 January 2010
  • Currently 5.51/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (69)

Diaper change...

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby...!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 May 2009
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (20)

My kids love going to the...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 May 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (28)

Chuck Norris does, in fact, li...

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 May 2011
  • Currently 4.26/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (27)

Super Absorbed

A pediatrician is trying to put a 6-year-old patient, Timmy, at ease. He asks, "If you found a few dollars on the street, what would you buy?" Without hesitation, Timmy says, "A box of Tampax." Surprised, the doctor asks why. "Well," Timmy says, "it says on TV that with Tampax, you can go swimming, horseback riding, and skating anytime you want to!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 May 2011
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (15)

Question and answer blond jokes

Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade four.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 May 2011
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

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