Jokes of the day for Sunday, 13 May 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 13 May 2012
  • Currently 9.70/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (91)

Really funny jokes-Eternal suffering

Jerry dies in a car accident and goes straight to hell to suffer eternally at the hands of the devil. As he passes deadly pits and screaming sinners, he saw a man getting cozy with a beautiful lady. He recognized the man - he was a cunning lawyer who had died a couple of years ago.
"This is not fair!" Jerry exclaims. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer is having fun with a beautiful woman."
"Be quiet!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

Officer to driver going the wr...

Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"

Driver: "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Kid Falls Asleep While Eating Ice Cream

Kid Falls Asleep While Eating Ice Cream - Will the ice cream be eaten? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Dog and Cat

What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

Gregor Samsa woke from uneasy dreams to discover he had become a farm animal. With bronchitis. How bizarre! It was Coughcowesque.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - BUT…

BUT… | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

Officer to driver going the wr...

Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"
Driver: - "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

Reload that thing

A guy got a sunburnt while at a nude beach.

Later, he found having sex to be extremely painful, so he went to the kitchen, poured a glass of milk, and inserted his dick in the glass.

His girlfriend came into the kitchen and said, "I've always wanted to know how men reload that thing."

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 12, 16, 29, 31, 35, 62, 64, 68, 75) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Todd Barry: Book Lights

They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (79)

Chuck Norris was banned from c...

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 December 2011
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

Confucius Say ...

Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (35)

A young man wanted to get his ...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 January 2010
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (52)

Send my luggage....

Passenger to Airline Ticket Agent: I want my brown suitcase sent to Los Angeles, my green suitcase sent to Kansas City, and my tan suitcase sent to New Orleans.

Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, sir; this flight is to Nashville. We can't do that.

Passenger: Why not ? You did it last time.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 May 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

A Saudi Prince went to Germany...

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

Rosary and Two Martinis

A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (33)

Ecumenical Greenbacks

My home church welcomes all denominations, but really prefers tens and twenties.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 May 2009
  • Currently 5.48/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (23)

Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School

People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 oclock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 oclock. Youll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot.
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (15)

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