Jokes of the day for Monday, 21 May 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 21 May 2012
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (65)

Really funny jokes-No cream

The French philosopher Jules Henri Poincaré was relaxing in a cafe when he a waitress approached him and asked, "Can I get you something, Monsieur Poincaré?"
Poincaré replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".
The waitress returned after a few minutes and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Poincaré, we are all out of cream - how about with no milk?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Emergency Call

Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him–lights flashing.

Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Opening Beer with Chainsaw

Opening Beer with Chainsaw - No beer opener around? No problem! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Q. How many programmers does i...

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware issue.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (10)

The Cat and the Saus

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.

The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.

The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (33)

Funny Photo of the day - The Schwinntendo 64

The Schwinntendo 64 | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (12)

Q. Why was the fly dancing on ...

Q. Why was the fly dancing on the jam jar?

A. Because on the lid it said, "Twist to open."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

Todd Barry: Book Lights

They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (79)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris can make Batman c...

Chuck Norris can make Batman cry.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 April 2011
  • Currently 3.72/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (32)

A guy walks into a bar...........

A guy walks into a bar...........

He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.

he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.

after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2010
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (42)

First time in the big city...

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside. One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance. When the first guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where ya been?" he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2009
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

Rabbi in the Catholic Hospital

Rabbi Levy had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"
"Oh, sister," chuckled Rabbi Levy, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 May 2009
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (31)

According to Einstein's theory...

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (41)

Give Bubba a Chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!"

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 4.16/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (37)

Ben Bailey: Restless Leg Syndrome

Restless leg syndrome. Cmon, what kind of horseshit is that? Its a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but its a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin wiggly legs.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (33)

Short Cowboy Jokes


Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 May 2010
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

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