Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 May 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 May 2012
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (80)

Short funny jokes-Drunk chicken

Santa: What can drunk chicken give you?
Banta: Scotch eggs!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Wife: “There’s trouble with th...

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the swimming pool.”
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Nice view, right?

Nice view, right? - Safety first! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (10)

Life insurance premiums are ba...

Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (36)

Wife: “There’s trouble with th...

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the swimming pool.”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - T-Rexing

T-Rexing | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Fuzz

Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover's Lane.

He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.

"Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !"

"What did ya expect ?" Phoebe sez, "A perm?"

#joke #short #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (23)

Drew Fraser: Settling Down

Trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (16)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (2, 6, 9, 21, 25, 28, 50, 54, 57, 89, 90) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Deserted Island

A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore.

The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the new chemistry floating around, is very glad to see the second man there.

“This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts.”

The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper. The new man yells down: “Hey, no screwing!”

They look at each other and yell back: “We're not screwing!”

A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the new man yells down: “Heeey, no screwing!”

Again they yell back, “We're not screwing!”

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above:
“Hey, I said no screwing!!”

They yell back, “And we said we're not screwing!!”

Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself:
“Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

I wasted millions invent...

I wasted millions inventing the Sleeveless Mouthwash: it was a foolish in-vest mint.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (18)

A drunk walks into a crowded b...

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (55)

Baseball in heaven.....

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.

A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Wednesday."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Little Miss Muffet sat on her ...

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 May 2011
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (34)

Girls Night Out...

The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 May 2009
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (33)

Watermelon

Whats pink and smells of watermelon?!

A a college virgin male's penis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 May 2011
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

Amy Schumer: Facebook Is Weird

Now every idiot from high schools like, Im back! We werent supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I dont want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobodys interested in you. I dont want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 May 2010
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

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