Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 05 June 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 05 June 2012
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (64)

Mexican food: I always order i...

Mexican food: I always order it ta co.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

Funny Quotes from Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97


"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93


"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98


"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

-- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93


"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96


"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97


"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93


"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (39)

Funny video of the day - Tightest parallel parking record beaten at new Mini launch

Tightest parallel parking record beaten at new Mini launch - Guinness World Records - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Greatest Comedian in the Bible

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2012
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (23)

Chuck Norris is the only man t...

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 November 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (30)

Funny Photo of the day - Relax, enjoj

Relax, enjoj - And watch basketball game | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (11)

Jimmy Carr: Why Men Use Viagra

The reason old men use Viagra is not because theyre impotent. Its because old women are so very ugly.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 July 2011
  • Currently 3.54/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (61)

A brunette who really hated bl...

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.

'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.

'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'

The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie.

'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 November 2009
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (56)

Guess the Band Name

Which musician band has an album with a cover as in the picture?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Advil Commandments

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"
And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (32)

Contrary to popular belief the...

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (26)

William Wilson: Hot Brick Church

We just had an old brick church. Its like a barbeque pit, just hot -- HOT. Everybody in theres fanning. Old ladies got them old funeral parlor fans, they just fanning. Im sweating. And the preacher, If you dont straighten out, youre going to hell! Im like, Well, what is this? Practice?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

teeth

If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 3.79/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (14)

Cookies in Heaven?

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 June 2009
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (13)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes Archive