Jokes of the day for Monday, 11 June 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 11 June 2012
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (73)

Short funny jokes-Drunk chicken

Tom : What do drunk chicken give?
Jerry: Scotch eggs!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (8)

Banking Error…

A true story out of San Francisco…

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.”

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Oops, Boom, FAIL

Oops, Boom, FAIL - Girls boom to Glass - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

A man and his girlfriend were ...

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Big John

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills!! He's the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!!"

A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!!!" When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks. He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer NOW!!" He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp. As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave. "Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out. "Dang it, I don't have time!!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town!!! Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin??"

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Dat Candy Ass

Dat Candy Ass | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Charles Manson

Charles Manson has released a statement from prison on hearing Jackson was acquitted, "Thank God we won't be in the same cell together, that guy is nuts."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (12)

Demetri Martin: Employee of the Month

I think Employee of the Month is a good example of when a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (20)

Find number abc

If 6b86c - 14cb0 = aaa7c find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

“I saw you kissing my sister l...

“I saw you kissing my sister last night!” jeered the brat to the embarrassed teenager.

“All right, all right! Not so loud,” said the youth. “Here’s fifty cents to keep your mouth shut.”

“Gee, thanks! Wait a minute, and I’ll give you twenty cents change.”

“Twenty cents change? What for?”

“I like to be fair,” said the youngster, “and it’s the same price for everybody!”
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (11)

Chuck Norris was originally ca...

Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 September 2011
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (30)

Biblical Theme Songs

Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 May 2010
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (38)

What does the starship enterpr...

What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 November 2009
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (48)

Life is like a box of chocolat...

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (28)

A woman meets a gorgeous man i...

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge, enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?'

The man says, 'You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Shampoo

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (21)

Stephen Rannazzisi: Slow Pitch Softball

I joined a softball team, which I thought was a great idea... but the guys on my team are crazy. These guys show up to games -- slow pitch softball games -- with cleats, stirrups, the Barry Bonds arm guards on, the black crap under their eyes. Im like, Fellas, the ball is this big. If you cant see it, you probably shouldnt have driven to the game today.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

Its A Waist?

Why is the space between a women's tits and hips called a waist?

Because you could put another pair of tits there.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 June 2010
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (11)

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