Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 04 July 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 04 July 2012
  • Currently 9.76/10

Rating: 9.8/10 (90)

Independence Day joke

Sunny : Do they have a 4th of July in England?

Tommy: Of course. How else do they get from the 3rd to the 5th?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (7)

Pop N. Fresh dies

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and... one in the oven.

#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Funny video of the day - Water Jet Pack : JetLev-Flyer

Water Jet Pack : JetLev-Flyer - Cruising in Marina del Rey - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

Taking the Edge Off

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast.

"Would you like

bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and

coffee to

follow?" she asks.

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really

taken the edge

off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl

of home-

made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she

inquires.

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really

taken the edge

off my appetite."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.

She'll go to

the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a

steak and

apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty

stir-fry?

That would only take a couple of minutes."

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really

taken the edge

off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm

starving!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (17)

Iliza Shlesinger: Bumper Sticker

It said, War Is Not the Answer. I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you dont agree with me, happy Fourth of July.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (28)

Funny Photo of the day - CONTEXT

CONTEXT | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

No worry

A wife is having sex with her husband's best friend one day. Soon the phone rings, so she answers it.

Feb:12

"Yes... uh, huh... OK... yes... bye."

Her husband's best friend says: "Who was it?"

"That was my husband," she replied.

The man jumped out of bed, and tried to put on his clothes in a hurry.

"Relax," said the wife. "He just called to tell me he was out playing golf with you"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Q: What do you call 13 bunn...

Q: What do you call 13 bunnies in a row, hopping backwards?

A: A receding hairline!!!!!!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.91/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (11)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (3, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 19, 20, 53, 81, 88) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

If Restaurants Functioned Like Tech Support

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . $1.00

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.07/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (15)

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray...

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 September 2011
  • Currently 4.19/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (36)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (36)

An old man was sitting on a be...

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes. The old man kept looking at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 December 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (71)

Arj Barker: 4th of July

I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (59)

Jesus Is Watching You!

There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 6.37/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (38)

Someone Really Stinks


A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 July 2011
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (30)

Tall grass

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

Very satisfying.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (26)

There is, in fact, an "I" in N...

There is, in fact, an "I" in Norris. But there is no "team", not even close.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 July 2011
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (16)

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