Jokes of the day for Thursday, 19 July 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 19 July 2012
  • Currently 9.45/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (49)

Animal jokes-Karate pig

Bitzer: What is the term for a pig that practices karate?
Shaun: A pork chop.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (12)

A famous art collector is walk...

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Salto like a boss

Salto like a boss - Super salto - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (14)

Repair Estimate

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it's my boss's idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (12)

Dangerous food...

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said,

"Wedding cake."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - knock, knock

knock, knock - Who is it? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

Sticky Hair?

Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump.

Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?"

So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (19)

Yo mama is so short

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo mama so short she models for trophys.

#joke #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 March 2012
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (35)

Calculate the number 650

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 650 using numbers [9, 4, 2, 6, 16, 754] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie ...

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 October 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (32)

Jessi Klein: Sexy Librarian

I have brown hair and I wear these glasses, and I usually have my hair up in a bun, so the other thing guys have often said to me is, Youre like a sexy librarian. Youre like a sexy librarian type. Youre a sexy librarian. And Im like, Ive always thought of myself as more of a bookish whore. Sort of, you know, less of a nerd, more of a slut.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 March 2011
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (46)

There was a blonde driving ...

There was a blonde driving in her car on the highway.She crashed into the car infront of her and a cop came over to her and said mam what is wrong? She said officer no matter where i turn there is a tree if i turn left,right, there is a tree. The officer leaned over and said mam that is your air freshener.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 December 2009
  • Currently 3.84/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (49)

Growing penis

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.

But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked.

"Crutches???" the doctor asked.

"Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 3.97/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (38)

John Caparulo: Airport Security Inspection

I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes... They made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, Youre a dick, dude. I cant believe you -- thats too far.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (28)

A dietitian was once addressin...

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (26)

Knock Knock Collection 097


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaiah!
Isaiah who?
Isaiah nothing till you open this door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Istvan!
Istvan who?
Istvan to be alone!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy be a big job!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan enormous snake in my pocket!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana be rich!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (24)

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